Monday, May 23, 2011

So much for plans!

You know how well thought out, and hopeful that last post was? I just wanted everyone to know: it didn't happen. Nope. Not a bit. I was lucky to have a friend come lend a hand...well, actually she came and did it all really. Though, in a house full of people, that doesn't last long. I am trying every idea thrown at me to control the nausea, but I have mostly just resigned myself to this and hope it will end with my first trimester: 2 more weeks. I don't need any sympathy about it. Just to share that it didn't work out, I am moving on, looking forward, and know eventually it will all be better, and a sweet new babe to help me forget.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Getting on the Ball!

Remember how I was talking about sharing our shortcomings? Here is where I do just that. I'm not looking for sympathy. Just to be authentic about where I am, and where I hope to go from here. 

If you haven't heard yet (which would surprise me!) we are expecting Little Three! Due about Christmas time, we are still pretty early into the pregnancy. That  said, I already feel my shortcomings in my parenting because of the constant nausea. I am lucky not not be the kind of woman who is puking all the time, but I still feel like doing it all the time! (For the record: We won't find out the sex, we are not hoping one sex or another, we are planning our second HBAC, yes I am still nursing L2 and very occasionally L1, we still all co-sleep and don't have a plan for changing that.)

I think I have realized (here comes a "duh" moment) my kids don't like to just sit and watch movies all the time.  After being so good about going screen free, they no longer are entertained by it like they used to. The more I try to just lay here, the more they jump on me, adding to my nausea.

Also, I have had a few times this week when I couldn't go where I wanted to because I haven't had clean laundry to do wear out of the house. I have barely kept up the keeping our living space picked up.

All this, and I am only at 9 weeks! 9 weeks, and I am concerned about failing. This is going to be a long next 7ish months if I feel that way already. So, I need to make a game plan. Something to just work through, one day at a time.

  • Wake up, bathroom, breakfast
  • Rest/Read books (I need to move pretty slowly in the mornings right now.)
  • Get out first activity box for kids
  • Do a load of laundry
  • Clean up activity box
  • Pick second activity box
  • 15 minute timer to clean bathroom
  • Make lunch
  • Nap/read book/quiet time!
  • Have some 1-on-1 time with L1 while L2 naps
  • 15 minutes to clear living room/play area
  • Put together dinner
  • Pack up bags for Zumba (Yup, still going twice a week, and hope to keep it up! After all Zumba Changes Lives!)
That takes the day. It can translate to the next day with few alterations.

The other half of the story. I am so freaking emotional. I cried ONE time in my first pregnancy. None my second. I was all kinds of bitchy. This time, I cry at things I have seen a million times. I am seriously short tempered. I make one or two attempts to redirect my kids before I find myself screaming at them. I don't *think* I am too bitchy, not yet anyways. I am really hoping that by getting the rest of our day worked out, there will be less screaming and arguing. We'll see, right?

I love my family. I love my kids, and can't wait to see how this next baby fits into the picture.

Feel free to share any shortcomings you have had, create a sense of solidarity! No judgments, just respect for where we are in our lives right now!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Role Models, and Owning Your Challenges

Me, one of my first nights home, with my Dad.
Only recently have I thought about where I was introduced to natural parenting ideas. I liked to think I "just decided" it was the best way for my family, but I know there must have been some kind of influence to even explore ideas that are not the mainstream, and certainly weren't expected from me.  I realized that while I didn't have anyone to directly role-model an attached parenting lifestyle, there were several small exposures that helped shape my views.

A rarely seen cousin at a reunion nursing her walking toddler.

A neighbor I baby sat for practicing co-sleeping and full-term breastfeeding.

An aunt who nursed her allergy prone, sensitive child. And making the food sacrifices herself to meet those needs.

None of these parents talked about being any kind of "attached parent". I never set out to be an "attached parent". Between my own experiences with my parents, 3 siblings, baby-sitting, and working as a nanny, I had seen what children responded best to and what didn't work out in the long term. I wanted to have a relationship with my children that was based on respect, communication, and love. I knew that breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and possibly co-sleeping were on the list. What I didn't know was how hard it was going to be to follow through with my "grand ideas".

Because I didn't have the kind of community that supported our family ideals, I remember feeling so alone those first few months. The few friends we had who did have kids didn't parent this way. We weren't raised this way. We even hurt some feelings when we told people this was how we were doing it, so no thanks for the offers to "help" that weren't conducive to our choices. I was drowning, and needed some knowledgeable support.

It wasn't until L1 was almost 5 months old that I attended my first Le Leche League meeting.  When I had considered it before, I thought it was for breastfeeding problems. Besides, the meetings were held in an unfamiliar church, adding to my apprehension.

I finally went, and have since developed my "tribe," sort of. Sometimes I still feel lost. I know I have friends that care and understand, but so often fear they might be too busy dealing with the same problems and don't have the time or energy to take on mine. I don't blame them, I also fear I can't call on them because they will need me when I am needing help! Then I feel guilty (Momma Guilt: Its a horrible thing!) that I can't be there!

But, reaching out is really important. Being honest about who we are, where we are in our parenting paths, understanding that our ideals are important, and even if we slip, getting back to it and working to find what works for each family is what is really the crucial thing. When we hide our shameful, disappointing, not perfect moments, we perpetuate the idea that we should all be living perfect lives and further ourselves from really making our world a better place.

Being role models for a more peaceful, respectful relation ship with our children is powerful. Doing the same with the adults in our lives is too. We all need a tribe, we all need acceptance. Who inspires you? Have you ever talked to them about the challenges they faced making those decisions?