EC: All or Nothing?

Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children's personal care choices.
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EC= Elimination Communication

Definition= Using timing, signals, cues, and intuition to address an infant's need to eliminate waste.

What it means for our family: Children happier when not made to pee or poop on themselves.

Daddy uses a prefold to "protect her bum from the cold seat!"

We aren't potty training. We aren't using any kind of shaming or rewarding beyond "Yay! Doesn't it feel good to not sit in that mess?" This isn't about teaching my children anything. If anything: we are the ones being taught.

Babies do know when they need to eliminate (pee or poo). They may not have the control adults do, but when their body needs to go, they may cue. Stiffen, eyes glaze a bit, squirm and fuss. People around the world do it. But, when anyone in our culture catches wind of it, the responses vary from disbelief to anger at "just another trend expecting parents to drop everything for their children." It doesn't have to be that way. You can EC full time, day time, night time, part time, occasionally, or even whenever.

When I started, I was not about to devote my life looking for the signs my child needed to go. But, my children demanded it. Rashes, screaming, fussy, waiting until the diaper was off anyways babies. Don't they know I am too busy, and sometimes too lazy to get them to the potty every time they have to go? I have two boys running around too! Other terms for it are Infant Hygiene and Diaper Free Baby. How am I supposed to manage that? Be so on the ball I don't need those 6-9 (for my baby) diapers a day? That was such a daunting idea, I wondered if I want to try this at all. Maybe my children could just learn to deal with going in a diaper. But then, I would have to UN-teach them that later... Besides, I am already watching to meet their other needs to eat, sleep, play, and love. This was just one more part of their personality.

So, here's how we do it.

First: I have a 3 miss limit. I refuse to change my clothes, clean the floor, or any other non-diaper messes more than 3 times a day. This allows me to let go of any guilt about not being connected enough. I just can't make my life any harder!

Second: I am not excellent at reading cues. As adorable as she is: I can't keep her with me, staring into her big brown eyes all day. So, I keep it simple and offer the potty upon waking, if she seems fussy for no reason, or if we can get to a potty after car rides. Occasionally I just put a potty under her while breastfeeding because that seems to be the time when she will poo. I have come to realize that with all the extra "folds" on a baby girl, that poo gets up into everything if done in the diaper. This is much easier to clean!

Third: Using cue sounds and signs in hopes they eventually start using them. L2 only used the sign a handful of times. Maybe it is just a way to make small talk while they do their business. I know if someone just stared at me I would have a hard time. But distracted talking: ok, we're cool.

Fourth: This is not a big deal. I will not be upset about misses. If I have a day it is easier to just stick with the cloth diapers, I will. If I run short and use my emergency disposables, so be it. I can not promise that I won't make a big deal out of it when we have a good day. Really, it is freaking awesome to have one few diaper, and I feel like a rockstar for meeting my child's needs.

When we used EC like this for L2 he chose to start using the potty full time (aside from a recent regression, likely due to new baby) at 18 months. I am hoping L3 might decide the same. Not holding my breath though!

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 10 with all the carnival links.)

• Rub-a-Dub Co-Bathing in Our Tub — Bath time is more than soap and water! That Mama Gretchen shares how co-bathing with her toddler has opened up a world of cleanliness, learning, and bonding.
• This is How We Take a Bath — Shannon at GrowingSlower shares her special formulas for babywash and a happy bath time.
• How to Gently Trim Your Toddler's Nails — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses some of the gentle suggestions she has received to help Little Man overcome his anxiety of having his nails trimmed, as well as how she copes with her need for his nails to be trimmed.
• Baby bath time and skin care — Ursula Ciller shares some simple and natural tips for bathing and skin care.
• Want Your Child To Love Getting Clean? Have Them Make Their Own Soaps, Shampoos, and Lotions! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her secret to empowering her daughter to "get clean." Together, Jennifer and her daughter make their own body washes and lotions which makes clean up time fun!
• Encouraging Self-care Through Awareness... and Fun — Amy at Presence Parenting shares some tips on how to transform self-care from a struggle into an opportunity -- for kids and adults.
• Caring for kids' curls — Lauren at Hobo Mama tells you how to clean, condition, comb, and style ringlets and waves on little heads.
• Playing in the Rain — Jorje of Momma Jorje loves how her family has come to make a family event of showering!
• The Cleansing Power of the Football — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet talks about her son's favorite bath buddy.
• Coconut Oil: Nature's "Baby Magic" — Megan at The Boho Mama has only one must-have baby care item in her cupboard: Coconut Oil!
• For Sensitive Kids, Less Is More — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn finds less cleaning is better.
• Bathtime: Just Another Chance to Play! — Lyndsay at Our Feminist {Play} School discusses the many reasons bath time is important - getting clean isn't one of them.
• Hygiene? What hygiene? — Sheila at A Gift Universe confesses some of her most embarrassing hygiene secrets.
• Confused About Chemicals? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep describes how to find out where the toxic chemicals are in your house and tips on alternatives.
• Clipping Those Talons — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways her daughter's tolerance for personal care has changed over time, especially when it comes to nail clipping.
• Sit Back, Relax and Unschool Hygiene — Instead of focusing on tactics of how to 'get' your child to focus on hygiene, Authentic Parenting explains how to help your child internalize hygienic standards.
• Help! My Tot will not let me brush her teeth! — Mudpiemama shares five positive ways to help toddlers brush teeth and sabotage the tooth fairy’s secret conspiracy.
• Self Care and the Spirited Child — Amy at Toddler In Tow shares how a balancing act between independence and connectedness helps her spirited child learn appropriate self-care.
• Hairbrushing is a Safety Issue — Dulce de leche guest posting at Natural Parents Network explains that although tangles are not a safety issue, self-confidence and body boundaries are.
• 15 Ideas to Prepare Toddlers and Preschoolers for Dental Procedures — Dionna at Code Name: Mama is sharing ideas on how to thoughtfully prepare little ones for dental visits (particularly those that require anesthesia).
• Holistic Care of your Toddler's Teeth — Erica at ChildOrganics tells a tale of her children's teeth issues and how she uses homeopathy and good nutrition to keep cavities at bay.
• Bath Time Bliss : Fuss-Free Bath Time for Toddlers — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares how she has made bath time completely fuss free for both her and her toddler.
• Homemade Natural Toothpaste — City Kids Homeschooling hosts a guest post on a homemade natural toothpaste recipe that kids will love!
• Bathing Strike Strategies — Crunchy Con Mommy offers her best tips for keeping your little ones clean when they refuse to bathe.
• Bodily Autonomy and Personal Hygeine — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the importance of supporting a child's bodily autonomy in the prevention of abuse.
• A Tub Full of Kiddos! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has kiddos who love the water, so bathtime is a favorite evening activity!
• The Trials of Tidying My Toddler — Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares the difficulties she has with getting her on-the-go son to be still enough to get clean.
• Wiped Clean — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen shares her recipe for homemade diaper wipe solution to clean those sweet little cloth diapered bottoms in her home!
• Snug in a Towel: Embracing Personal Grooming — Personal care is time consuming,especially with more than one child; but the mama at Our Muddy Boots is learning to embrace this fleeting and needful time.
• EC: All or Nothing? — Elimination Communication. Even the title sounds complicated and time consuming. It doesn't have to, if you adapt it to meet your family's needs, says Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• Routine Battles — In a guest post at Anktangle, Jorje of Momma Jorje outlines a simple incentive to help inspire your little one to follow a routine.
• Redefining Beauty For My Daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger relays her struggle to define her own femininity and how her preschooler unexpectedly taught her a lesson in true beauty.
• Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In The Tub — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares how she turns bath time into a few minutes of peace and quiet.
• Montessori-Inspired Activities for Care of Self — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has a roundup of Montessori-inspired activities for care of self and ideas for home environments that encourage independence.
• 10 Gentle Tips for Little Ones Who Hate the Bath — Kim at life-is-learning gives 10 tips to get your little one into the bath and maybe even enjoying it.
• The Boy With The Long Hair — Liam at In The Now discusses his son's grooming choices.
• Personal Care in a Montessori Home — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares a summary of the ways she has organized her family's home to make for easy, Montessori-inspired toddler personal care.
• Styling Kids — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is letting her kids decide what to look like.
• Clean Kids: Laundry and Bath Tips — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia shares tips on how to get your children helping with laundry plus recipes for laundry and liquid soap.
• How to Clean Your Children Naturally: A Tutorial — Erika at Cinco de Mommy shows you how to clean your children.
• Cleaniliness is next to... dirt — The lapse-prone eco-mom (Kenna at Million Tiny Things) sometimes forgets to bathe the kids. Except in the mud pit.