A Case for the Dramatic

Welcome to May edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month's topic is "Parenting Practices and Criticism." Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

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People in our society have a very "clear" understanding about how things should look in a child/parent relationship. Some people seem to think it is just fine to let you know when what you are doing doesn't match that image. It is a special challenge when it is done by someone you know. BUT, when you are being accosted by a stranger you can expect to never see again, I have discovered an entertaining way to keep my own humor. It may not be your style. But, it floats my boat.

To set the scene: I take L3 with me to Zumba class. I am wearing baby in a carrier. "Friendly" older woman approaches, intent on enticing a smile from my chubby bub. 

"Oh! Aren't you an adorable chunk! Snuggly with mama! You should tell mama to bring your car seat next time so she can get her workout!"

1.) I hate when advice is given as a dialog to my children. 

2.) I have found a workout with baby to be just as much of a workout.

3.) There is information pointing to car seats as possibly trimming baby's oxygen levels, and general use outside of the car can be hazardous. 

I could just smile and nod. I could gently inform this stranger of the information available that led me to the decision to wear my baby. Or, I could conjure up a dramatically confused look; "That would be really big and heavy to carry in! This works well for us."

"Doesn't she use a little car seat with a handle? She should be in a little seat still, not a big seat."

I decided to stick to dramatic, but decided on a slightly horrified look. "Oh! No! We don't use those bucket seats."

The message was finally received, and we were left to enjoy our class. I know I would have been nicer, and generally I am. But, it can start to weigh on you when your methods are always being questioned by nosy well-meaning people. The point is to find a way to have faith in your choices and escape the naysayers with the least amount of impact on your day. Most of the time I do this by explaining the reasons I do what I do. After so many justifications, that drags me down and I just can't do it one.more.time. Making it a game just makes it easier to play next time.

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Visit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Stepping out of the box and dealing with criticism   — Stoneageparent shares how she deals with criticism over her parenting choices 
• BEWARE of Sanctimommy — Amanda at Blinded by the Light talks about how recognizing your own inner-sanctimommy and how it will facilitate ways to deal with other criticism in your life.
• We're on the same team — Brittany from The Pistachio Project shares about how we should support and respect each other because we already get enough criticism from the outside world.
• 30 Responses To Parenting Criticisms — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares 30 ways in which you can respond to parenting criticisms. 
• A Case for the Dramatic — A smart-alec response to a stranger's view by Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• I Could Never... — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how the phrase "I could never" really means "I would never want to" and how owning our words and actions can lead to understanding and empathy.
• Admiration For A Parent's Strength— Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots shares her admiration for parents who continue  to make parenting choices in the best interest of their child even when those closest to them disagree.
• Assumption Free Zone — Paige @ Baby Dust Diaries challenges us to cultivate kindness for everyone; even if you disagree with them.
• Perfection, Criticism, Parenting and The Sock Police — Ariadne @ The Positive Parenting Connection is sharing how parenting has been an excercise in overcoming perfectionism and handling criticism.
• Silencing the Voices In My Head — At Authentic Parenting, Laura writes about fighting her inner critic. 
• Tackled from the Sidelines — Marisa from Deliberate Parenting reveals what parenting choices she makes that are most often questioned and how she is coming peacefully to the defense of her decisions.
• Different Strokes — Justine from The Lone Home Ranger shares the method she uses to explain her family's "crunchy" differences to her preschooler.

Tell All Tuesday

So it has been a few weeks.

I have yelled.

I have re actively smacked a toddler cheek when he gave me a titty-twister trying to convince me to breastfeed. I also apologized for it.

We are working on getting back to little/no tv. It is a slower process this time, as this is one tired, pregnant momma. Even in the 2nd trimester and no longer sick, keeping moving take A LOT.

Today we spent half the day watching TV, but we also painted, played chef, read books and raced cars.

This weekend I am "competing" in Warrior Dash. At 17 weeks pregnant, I am really just going to say I went and not pushing it. But, I do intend to put my best effort in!

I feel I am failing a little at leading my online book club. We are reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I am only half way, though it is an easy, and engaging read.

Wearing our Children

When I was 12, we visited family in California. My aunt had recently had a baby, and I LOVED helping take care of him. A huge part of who I am as a parent came from that trip to Disneyland, wearing my cousin in a Snugli. My cousin cried frequently when not being held, so I remember thinking how much easier it was to just wear him. And I knew he was safe in my arms in the crowded theme park. So started my love of "babywearing," though now I know it isn't just for babies.

First carrier: Baby Bjorn

This was a bed  sheet! Tied with the right knot, it was comfier than the Bjorn for my big boy!

This was our knotted sling, made from muslin cloth and dyed by me.

Upgrade: Ergo.

Looking for something different while pregnant. Bolt of muslin tied in a shoulder carry.

Would you, could you, on a boat?

Baby bonding + video games= Daddy heaven

Mesh ring sling.

My first real ring sling, can you believe it?

Generally, the sling helps me cover a bit more. L2 decided to take a peek.

Naptime during a family fair.

Custom Mai Tie, made by me. Padded, adjustable, comfortable, and I even made a matching diaper bag!

Nursing while hiking. Lucky boy!

Mesh ring sling at the beach. Kept him nice and secure in the waves! 

Good for tired boys at Pike Place Market

Used only on well known, well marked trails at low speeds.

Tired toddler and preschooler in tourist town Leavenworth? Saved by the Ergo and new Boba!

It has been quite an adventure.

Body Image

I feel like I have always been aware of my body as something to be ashamed about. I have always been short and stout, rounded and pudgy. It has always been, and body image issues seem to run in the family. My dad's side has the over eaters, my mom's: the sometimes dangerously under eaters. I grew up hearing my mom talk about how fat she was, how horrible she looked weighing so much. As I was much more rounded than she was, I took that to mean I must look horrible as well. She never intentionally said anything like that about me, it was just the natural conclusion I came to. Even more so, as she always seemed to look slender to me. I rebelled against this ideal of body perfection, at least that is what I told myself. I didn't care what I ate, or keeping active.

I wore my first bra at 8, with a horribly embarrassing trip to K-Mart where my mom just kind of nudged me into the intimates department and told me to pick something. I bumbled through tears and feelings of shame until a suitable item was found. And the following day, being scoffed at and teased by other girls for wearing a bra to "hold my fat in." I recall middle school clothes shopping, when I was to pay for half of my clothing budget, having picked out items from the plus sized area (already) that rang up the wrong price. My mom was helpful in standing up for the price listed, but I was so ashamed to say they were from the plus size section for the price check I would rather had paid the higher price. Picking out clothes my first year in high school at age 14, I was a size 20.

During high school, I was more active. Our school was the largest in the state, so to traverse it's grounds within the 5 minute transfer period was a strain. Marching Band also helped (and shut up of you don't think a couple of hours a day with a bell set strapped to you wouldn't help you drop a few rolls!) as well as forgoing breakfast, and usually lunch. Not exactly healthy, but is what it is. So, when I met my now husband as a 16 year old, I was a size 16.

After high school, my weight climbed again, then would drop off when I changed jobs or started fashion design school. (Walking around downtown Seattle, and spending class time with mostly size 2 girls, and being told I would only being taught how to design clothes for that size did little for my self-image.) But slowly, it climbed up and up. In early 2006 I stepped on a scale to the shock of the answer being 287. I decided that "it didn't matter" and went on, surely gaining a few pounds after that point.

It wasn't until a few months of failing to get pregnant that I realized that maybe my weight was the issue. So, I finally started thinking about what I ate. And the weight started coming off. I was pregnant 4 months later. By 6 weeks postpartum, I was 50lbs less than my first exam. Someone told me if I did that with every baby, a few more and I could be a super model.

Fast forward! (I'm done with the sob story.) L2 is born, with all his food sensitivities/allergies.  But, more than that story, was the birth of PRIDE in my body. It wasn't until recently that I even made that realization.

That realization came when I decided I wanted to do more than my twice weekly Zumba. I wanted to run. My doula suggested looking into the Couch to 5K.  I am working on week 2. It is still early in the plan, but I am feeling great about it. I choose to run at random times as well. I push myself when playing with my kids. When parking is scarce in my complex, I will jog the short distance home around the pond.

Moreover, I LIKE my body. I still fall to thinking that I am still a "fat girl" and head straight for the plus sizes when shopping, or shirking from photos. I grasp at compliments, sometimes to the annoyance of my husband, to bolster my new self-image. I don't need that plus size section anymore. I take pictures of myself, for the pride I feel about it. I am so proud in fact, that I LOVED finding these pictures to share with you:

 This is almost 4 years, 2 babies, and plenty of lessons learned about body image ago. I once believed my body didn't work. I was then convinced of that by Dr's who told me I couldn't birth my baby as nature intended. Then, I found out we were wrong. My body is amazing. It will continue to amaze me, the more I value it. In fact, my body is one of an athlete. It may not (yet) be slender and toned, but it has endurance, strength, and stamina beyond what I ever imagined. Now, I am determined to continue that theme into a new realm of fitness that I have never known. I might even do a marathon. Soon. Want to join me?

When did you discover you LOVED yourself? How can I support you in loving yourself MORE?