Tell All Tuesday: January 3rd, 2012

It has been a full end of the year around here. There have been highs and lows of course.

L3 arrived TWO WEEKS EARLY. And being that we expected her to come later (L2 was a week "late") we weren't totally prepared. The Christmas tree had only gone up the day before labor started!

Breastfeeding did not kick off easily or right away like it had in the past. It took us almost a week to work out her latch issues. I even had cracked nipples! After never having breastfeeding issues, this was really frustrating!

Then there was a period of concern about L3's weight gain. She was still -5oz from her birth weight a week later (even without IV fluids in labor.) But she solved that one with the development of her latch and my SUPERMILK! She went on to gain 14oz the next week!

I had intended to allow for the exploration of un-weaning L2 after my milk came in. He has breastfed a few times, but mostly I put him off and save it for the times that NOTHING ELSE WORKS. So, I am confessing I am not the all accepting, tandem nursing mom I was able to be for L1. I feel pretty guilty about that, but also realize that L2's needs are different than L1's were. Otherwise he would be requesting more, right?

On the potty bowl!

I wanted to try to practice Elimination Communication from the beginning with L3. I settled for watching for her cues and trying not to let a dirty diaper sit. Not that she would allow that. She was clear when she needed a dry diaper. We have started up though, and I hope to manage more as we go on.

Something that has been different from this pregnancy from the last ones was the weight gain. I had always finished off down when all is said and done. This time I am not. I am back in my "comfy" jeans, but not back to size. Granted it has only been 4 weeks, I lost so much weigh between pregnancies, and I am ready to head back to Zumba and watching our diet more closely (the last month being mostly comfort foods, junk, candy, and take out) so I don't expect it to take long to feel fit again. I am actually surprised I care about my weight this way, and want to work on focusing the frustration on feeling fit and able to keep up with my children over fitting into certain sizes.

We have NOT kept up with our weekly house blessing. With Mike moving to graveyard and my being to uncomfortable and tired to keep up myself, we slacked. So now we need to find a way to make it work with a new baby and Mike on graveyard. Stay tuned for more on that!

Tell All Tuesday October 4th, 2011

I haven't made it to Zumba in a few weeks. I really miss it, but Mike's new work schedule makes it really easy to make excuses.

I am totally excited to cook the majority of our meals in our crock pot, now that fall is here. Even though I know the family goes a bit nutty when I use it for everything.

L2 is down to nursing once or twice a day. I am sad that this is not all by his choosing (though he mostly seems ok with it), but the fights that resulted from trying to cut off a session rather than skipping it all together were just brutal. I would rather gladly breastfeed twice a day than resent breastfeeding all the time.

Even though summer is my favorite season, October is one of my favorite months. Not just for my birthday (because honestly, birthdays kinda suck as a mom) but for the generally blustery but dry weather, cute fall clothes, pumpkin lattes, and it kicks off the whole holiday season that I love so much.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but these small confessions really do help me stay real, be honest with myself, and start working past the guilt. Saying that, I would like to invite you do the same. Either send your confession or send me a link to your own Tell All Tuesday post  BY SUNDAY OCTOBER 9TH to run a week from today, October 11th. Send to drumminor83 (@) juno (.) com. Let me know how you would like to credited, and I will gladly take pictures as well.

Nursing, Un-Weaning, and (a kind of) Vacation.

I love breastfeeding. I'll be honest, most of the time it gives me a feeling of accomplishment, natural connection, even a little bit of superiority (nothing against mom's who can't, I am blessed to be able to provide the best for my babies) and a truckload of gratefulness that I have a way to calm almost any situation. My experience breastfeeding has been mostly easy, just a few bumps on the way. I nursed as soon as possible after my c-section for L1 (though not before they made my husband give him a bottle of formula, and tried to tell us to give him the bottle first every time, and then the breast. So glad I knew better!) and my HBAC (home birth after cesarean) made for easy breastfeeding initiation with L2. I worked the first 5 months after L1 was born, and pumped while being gone 10 hours a day. Not once did we need to supplement with formula.

L1 was still nursing when I got pregnant with  L2, and showed no signs of slowing. He nursed frequently through the pregnancy and I was glad for a way to slow him down so I could rest. After L2 was born, L1 nursed even more, waking more times at night than the newborn. We kept this up for about 3 months before deciding something needed to change. We cut down to once during the night and nap time. When even that was too much for me, we encouraged him to cut those out. The transition was fairly smooth, though I felt horrible that I couldn't handle nursing both until they were ready to stop on their own.

Fast forward 7 months. L1 hadn't nursed since December (it was now July) and L2 was still nursing just as much as ever during the day but had cut down at night since starting baby led solids at 9 months. But, we were in the mode of going broke, moving, and planning a vacation that was gifted to us to see family in southern California. We were stressed, and the boys were starting to show it.  So one night, in the midst of a screaming tantrum that had reached over an hour with no relief from any of our usual methods I leaned in close and just whispered "Would you like to nurse?" L1 suddenly took a deep breath: "Nurnies? (hic) Ok." and came to rock with me and tried to nurse. He didn't remember how, but it allowed him to calm down and reconnect with me. When we finish, he gave me a big hug, patted my cheek and whispered "I love you mommy. And nurnies." I had a new ace in my pocket.

At the end of July we stayed with my mom while we moved. While it made things easier to not have L1 and L2 underfoot, it meant that Daddy was at work all day, then moving a load or two in the evening. That left very little daddy time, and no time for my husband and me. That was hard on all of us. I started nursing L1 even more to quell the emotional breakdowns. And more. When the moving was done, the boys and I flew to California. Without Daddy. Then it started. L2 wants to nurse All. The. Time. I can't handle it. We are surrounded by helpful, caring family, but still he screams for nurnies. Especially at night, when it is even harder to nurse because his relearned latch is lost in his exhaustion and IT HURTS. We are only 2 nights into the 5 without daddy, and I am almost ready to hitchhike home. Instead, I am going to dig deep, lean heavily on the expansive family ready and willing to help (for now!) and take everyone to the Natural History Museum and hope the dinosaurs will entertain L1 enough to keep his mind off missing daddy.