Embracing the Schedule

Welcome to the June edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Around the House cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about what we do to keep the little things from overwhelming us. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

The greatest thing my family ever did to keep up with our housework was our system of 5 Things. Not only was it the first "New Year's Resolution" to ever make it out of the month of January, we are now 6 months into it with only a few adjustments needing to be made for our surprisingly nice spring and our drive to start family biking. So, if you haven't read that post, go do read it now. Then come back and I can tell you how we created a system for keeping it up with the rest of our schedule.

Soon after starting our 5 things, my 3 children came down with the chicken pox. It was a very mild case for them all, and it was a solid month of quarantine, waiting for them all to finish. In that time, I learned I needed to embrace The SCHEDULE.

My husband and I are not schedule oriented. We like to go with the flow, see what happens, and just enjoy. Turns out, that is harder to do with kids. Even homeschooled ones. The first thing I had to look at is how to display our schedule. Some people prefer the ease of online calandars, so everyone can sync up and know what is going on, wherever they are. Unless you are my husband, who does not want a smartphone, or even one that connects to the internet. So we went to the great, old fashioned wall calendar. A giant one.

I filled in our recurring events, and found a day for each household chore (aside from daily dishes and laundry). I also arranged things for plenty of open days so it would be easy to move around if we decided to ride, or didn't feel well. You know, Life. Then I used a highlighter to make it easy to differentiate between chores, homeschool group, adult nights, and meetups. I also keep an updated planner to take on the go.

Then each evening at dinner, we look at the calendar, discuss what our plans are, and write our 5 Things on the refrigerator white board. It is great to include our children in the process, and they really get into participating the planning, making them more apt to help in the execution.

Who knew something as simple as a giant wall calendar could have such an impact on how our house is run.

Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating simple ideas around their homes. We hope you will join us next month!

• Embracing the Schedule - Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy writes about how her family learned to keep on top of household life by creating a family calendar.
• Simply: Car Free - On the one-year anniversary of selling her car, Lyndsay from ourfeministplayschool, reflects on her family's decision to go car-free in urban downtown Toronto.
• The Importance of Finding Your Housecleaning Rhythm - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama outlines how she keeps her housecleaning under control with a daily rhythm. Even her 4 year old gets in on it!
• Keeping It Simple At Home - At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy shares some tips for keeping the clutter and cleaning at bay.
• Cleaning? - In her post, sustainablemum outlines how keeping clutter to a minimum makes for an easy life when trying to keep her house clean and tidy.
• Simply Downstairs - Jorje of Momma Jorje has found a way to simplify laundry AND bedtime... all with one simple move.
• In Shares, not Chores: Helping your Kids Help You Without Coercion Laura from Authentic Parenting tells us how she gets work done with two little kids and without coercion.

Know Better, Do Better. Except When I Don't.

Welcome to the June 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting:
Parenting in Theory vs. in Reality

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants are sharing how their ideas and methods of parenting have changed.

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I have taken care of children for almost all my life. My brother was born when I was two, and my dad says I took up caring for him from the very beginning. From siblings, to babysitting, to a homeschooling nanny, I had ample time to see the importance of parenting decisions, and most importantly how those decisions work out in the long run. Yes, there was a time that I thought spankings and other hurtful, shaming tactics were how you raised children. Then I saw their effectiveness fall to the wayside as the children grew and knew they were not teaching the lessons I wanted to teach my children. And by being a part of supervising homeschooling children, I would learn the true nature of learning and education. That it is possible to trust a child's intrinsic drive to explore and discover.

So, there were certain statements I made as I moved toward being a parent of my own children.

"I won't spank."
"If it is at all possible, I will not send my children to industrialized (public) school."
"I will breastfeed my child."
"I want to use cloth diapers."

And, I stand by these statements, even though all of them were shot down or laughed at by some people. So many people said I would change my tune when I was in the midst of parenting. Or well meaning people would almost give me "permission" to fail. That may be nice for some people, but when I set a goal I want SUPPORT, not naysayers.

Most importantly, I need support for when I loose my path to these goals. Because what I did find as I fell down the parenting rabbit hole was that even with full knowledge, education, and belief in these convictions about what kind of parent I want to be: all too often I fail. I can spout off all the reasons for my decisions, and support them with research and studies. But in the thick of it, sometimes I lose myself to the darker corners of my mind that recalls what my experience was as a child and forget that is not what I want in the present.

What I have had to realize is that I can't just make up my mind about what kind of parent I want to be. I can't just read about it. I need to surround myself with people who believe what I believe. Who practice the values I want for myself and my family. So we can support each other in changing how our brains process and move into responding in ways we may never or rarely saw growing up. And to laugh it off when we see a cloth diaper advocate with a babe in disposables and know that it means maybe she needs a little extra love in the moment.



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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• My little gastronomes — "I'll never cook a separate meal for my children," Maud at Awfully Chipper vowed before she had children; but things didn't turn out quite as she'd imagined.
• Know Better, Do Better. Except When I Don't. — Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy was able to settle in her parenting choices before her children arrived, but that doesn't mean she always lives up to them.
• Judgments Made Before Motherhood — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks back on her views of parents she came in contact with before she became a mother and how much her worldview of parenting has changed!
• A Bend in The Road — Lyndsay at ourfeministplayschool writes about how her visions of homeschooling her son during the elementary school years have changed drastically in the last year - because HE wants to go to school.
• I Wish Children Came with Instruction Manuals — While Dionna at Code Name: Mama loves reading about parenting, she's not found any one book that counts as an instruction manual. Every child is different, every family is different, every dynamic is different. No single parenting method or style is the be-all end-all. Still, wouldn't it be nice if parenting were like troubleshooting?
• The Mistakes I've Made — Kate at Here Now Brown Cow laments the choices she made with her first child and explains how ditching her preconceived ideas on parenting is helping her to grow a happy family.
• I Only Expected to Love... — Kellie at Our Mindful Life went into parenting expecting to not have all the answers. It turns out, she was right!
• They See Me Wearin', They Hatin' — Erin Yuki at And Now, for Something Completely Different contemplates putting her babywearing aspirations into practice, and discussed how she deals with "babywearing haters."
• Parenting Human Beings — Erika Gebhardt lists her parenting "mistakes," and the one concept that has revolutionized her parenting.
• Doing it right: what I knew before I had kids... — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud, guest posting at Natural Parents Network realises that the number one game in town, when it comes to parenting, is judgement about doing it right. But "doing it right" looks different to everybody.
• A synopsis of our reality as first time parents — Amanda at My Life in a Nut Shell summarizes the struggles she went through to get pregnant, and how her daughter's high needs paved the way for her and her husband to become natural parents.
• Theory to Reality? — Jorje compares her original pre-kid ideas (some from her own childhood) to her personal parenting realities on MommaJorje.com.
• The Princess Paradigm — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen had planned to raise her daughter in a sparkly, princess-free home, but in turn has found herself embracing the glitz.
• Healthy Eating With Kids: Ideal vs. Real — Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs had definite ideas about what healthy eating was going to look like in her family before she had kids. Little did she realize that her kids would have something to say about it.
• How to deal with unwanted parenting advice — Tat at Mum in Search thought that dealing with unwanted parenting advice would be a breeze. It turned out to be one of her biggest challenges as a new mum.
• How I trained my 43 month old in 89 days! — Becky at Old New Legacy used to mock sticker charts, until they became her best friend in the process of potty training.
• My Double Life: Scheduling with Twins — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot was banging her head against the wall trying to keep up with the plan she made during pregnancy, until she let her babies lead the way.
• Parenting in the land of compromise — As a holistic health geek trying to take care of her health issues naturally, Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama regrets that her needs sometimes get in the way of her children's needs.
• Practice Makes Good, Not Perfect — Rachael at The Variegated Life comes to see that through practice, she just might already be the parent she wants to be.
• 3 Dangerous Myths about Parenting and Partnering: How to Free Yourself and Your Family — Sheila Pai at A Living Family shares in theory (blog) and reality (video) how she frees herself from 3 Dangerous Myths about Parenting and Partnering that can damage the connection, peace and love she seeks to nurture in her relationships with family and others.
• 5 Things I Thought MY Children Would Never Do — Luschka at Diary of a First Child largely laughs at herself and her previous misconceptions about things her children would or wouldn't do, or be allowed to do.
• Policing politeness — Lauren at Hobo Mama rethinks a conviction she had about modeling vs. teaching her children about courtesy.
• The Before and The After: Learning about Parenting — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work reminisces about the perspective she held as a young adult working with children (and parents) . . . before she became a mother.
• Parenting Beliefs: Becoming the Parent You Want to Be — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how we can make a mindful decision to become the parent we want to be. Decisions we make affect who we will become.
• The Great Breastfeeding Debacle — In Lisa at The Squishable Baby's mind, breastfeeding would be easy.
• What my daughter taught me about being a parent — Mrs Green asks, "Is it ever ok to lock your child in their bedroom?"
• Sensory Box Fail! — Megan at The Boho Mama discovers that thoughtful sensory activities can sometimes lead to pasta in your bra and beans up your nose.
• Montessori and My Children – Theory vs. Reality — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares her experiences with Montessori parenting and describes the results she sees in her now-adult children.
• I Like The Mother I Am Now More Than The Mother I Intended To Be — Darcel at The Mahogany Way thought she would just give her kids the look and they would immediately fall in line.
• How I Ended Up Like My Tiger Mom With Peaceful Parenting — Theek at The Laotian Commotion somehow ended up like her Tiger Mom, even though she purposely tried for the complete opposite as a peaceful parent.

Getting Started With Family Biking at Natural Parents Network

I have a post today at Natural Parents Network about Getting Started With Family Biking.

Finding time to work out with small children can be a challenge. One way to manage is to find an activity you can do with your kids, and one option to consider is biking.

For my children and budget, we settled on a trailer for the two little ones, and a trail-behind bike for the older one who was not yet capable of riding in a straight line. My 5-year-old loves being part of the pedaling action, and the 1- and 3-year-olds nap, watch out the window, play with little toys, or "read" books as we go.

Continue reading at Natural Parents Network ››

From Hobbiton to Rivendell: A Family Cycling Tale

We are on an adventure. It started as a combined effort to save gas and exercise more. It became more. It made us rethink how we plan our grocery lists, schedules, time with our children, wardrobes, homeschooling, and diet. To motivate ourselves, we set a goal.

Our family is going to bike the distance of Hobbiton to Rivendell.

Our progress as of  May 29th, 2013.

We aren't going on a grand long distance, touring adventure. Mainly just in our hometown. Which just happens to be the perfect size for dominating by bike. Our set up includes 2 adult bikes, one pulling a double trailer and the other a trail-behind tandem attachment. We go to the library, park, grocery shopping, fishing, produce stand... if it is in our town, we almost feel ridiculous packing everyone into the car to go.  Then we just add it all up, working towards reaching 458 miles by my birthday on October 15th. We started March 19th, so we needed to ride about 20 miles a week. So far we are doing well, and have cut our need to ride average to less than 15 miles a week. If the weather cooperates, we may even make our goal by L1's birthday, a month early!

A Week in the Life: Wordless Wednesday

 This is a typical week in our home. Plus plenty of screen time (just being honest), but who takes a picture of that? It was pretty rainy, so we were inside a lot. We

Making letter shapes with a straw.

They are very interested in clouds right now.

I am going to hit the pie tin sideways off the jar. What do you think will happen?
Hypothesis from L1: The egg will wobble, fall, crack, then we'll be cooking the eggs to eat.

5 A Day

Welcome to the January 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Recovering from the Holidays

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about how their families get back to normal after the holidays are over.

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New year. Resolutions. You know the drill. We needed a way to create a sense of expectation and rhythm to our day. Mostly because we were wasting our days unsure what to do, daunted by all the things we needed to do, and irritated at how those things kept us from doing the things we want.

5 things. Every day we have 5 things to do. 5 things were enough to feel accomplished, but few enough that even my three year old can remember.


1. Do laundry
2. Pick up bedroom
3. Do dishes
4. Make cookies
5. Play games
OR
1. Fill bird feeder
2. Clean playroom
3. Scrub Toilets
4. Prep produce delivery
5. Go to the library

School time is dispersed between these activities. Because there is only so much help you can inspire from the five and under crowd. And we don't say no to creative play, book reading, dancing, or any of the indoor things that are good for our bodies and minds. The first three things can be done in any order, but must be done before the last two.

This system creates the expectation of the day. They know when we will get a chance to go somewhere or turn on the tv. So far it helps curb the whining, and encourages everyone to participate in running our home and spending time learning.

It is really hard to teach intrinsic value to creating balance in our home when we lack it ourselves. As children, Mike usually had everything done for him and I was learned "just do it to avoid consequences." Neither are effective as adults when there is no one to do things for you or dole out punishments. We have to find appreciation for it on our own, and show our children that at the same time.


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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting this March!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 14 with all the carnival links.)

• Pinterest Inspiration for Easier Winter Holidays Shannon, writing at Natural Parents Network, shares inspiration for having more relaxed winter holidays from their Handmade Holidays Pinterest board.
• Seven Recipes for Beans - Post Holiday Cleaning — Destany at They Are All of Me shares her favorite bean recipes that she hopes will help her body recover from overindulging her sweet tooth during the holidays.
• The Recovery in the Change — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen made changes in her life and attitude throughout 2012 and was pleasantly surprised at how those changes impacted her holiday recovery!
• Could this question change your life for ever? — To get your new year off on the right footing, Mrs Green of Little Green Blog is challenging us all to love ourselves with commitment and discipline. She asks you to focus on a simple question which might just bring you back in balance...
• Holiday Recovery — Meegs at A New Day talks about how the holidays can be overwhelming for a toddler, and how she's helping her 3 year old recover.
• 5 Ways to Detox After the Holidays — Brittany at The Pistachio Project gives a few ways to help you detox and get back on track after the holiday season has passed.
• 3 Simple Ways to Establishing Rhythm After the Holidays or Any Time — Sheila at A Living Family shares 3 simple ways to reestablish a rhythm of connection and calm in your family after holidays, visitors, travel or any time.
• Gemstones For Holiday Hangoverss — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delves into the power of gemstones as an often overlooked means of dealing with the holiday letdown.
• Getting back to Healthy — Bess at A Warrior Mom talks about the struggle of getting young ones back to eating healthy after several days to weeks of getting more candy and sweets than normal for the holidays and gives some suggestions on how to get them back to eating healthy in the new year.
• Post Christmas Juice Feast — Sam at Love Parenting explains why she has created a new tradition of juice feasting, and how she includes her toddler when detoxing.
• The Java Monkey On My Back — Christy at Eco Journey in the Burbs realizes it is time to kick her cup of Joe habit as a first step toward detoxing.
• Minimalist Holidays — Jorje of Momma Jorje doesn't find much need for recovery after her minimalist version of the holidays.
• Do something for you — Lauren at Hobo Mama urges you to find a silly and indulgent reward of me-time — and she has hers.
• do we recover? — Kenna at Million Tiny Things wonders what recovery really means in the context of the tragedies of this past holiday season.
• 37 Easy Ways to Save Money — Shannon at GrowingSlower is sharing these money-saving tips to help get your budget back on track after the holidays.
• A Two Year Old's Resolutions — That Mama Gretchen is putting the holidays behind her with a spin on traditional resolutions — New Year's goals for her two-year-old! Sound crazy? Read on for an explanation!
• How to Find Balance after the Holidays — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her favorite ways to start a new year with hope and calmness.
• Fresh Awakening — For Luschka at Diary of a First Child, the new year has coincided with a return to restful nights. With sleep, she's found new directions in life, but while she can't make too many changes to her life right now, she's inspired and excited about the future.
• Learning to slow down after a busy Festive Season — Stoneageparent describes the joys and lows of this year's festive season, as well as her New Year's resolutions.
• Detoxing' Your Toddler After the Holidays — Does your family suffer side effects from the holidays? Join Christine from African Babies Don't Cry to learn how she detoxed herself and her toddler off the treats and festivities of the season.
• Scheduling is OK! — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep explores the possibilities of the — SCHEDULE!!
• We're Saving their First Christmas for Next Time — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot takes it easy after moving with her husband and new babies to Scotland.
• A Vacation from the World — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children retreats with her family at the end of every year in order to recuperate and enjoy one another.
• On the Road to Recovery — Dionna at Code Name: Mama isn't just recovering from the holidays, she's recovering from a lifestyle.
• We Never Left the Grind — Erika Gebhardt compares a typical day pre-holidays and post-holidays.
• Remembering and Recovering from the Holidays (One day at a time) — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM is recovering from holidays slowly--taking one day at a time--while trying to remember all the sweet moments that passed too quickly.
• 5 a Day — To get back on track Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy needed a simple system to help her family learn new values.
• Holiday Detox & Healing: Bieler Broth — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her secret for a gentle, whole-foods-based post-holiday detox: Bieler Broth!
• I'm Mama Not Supermom — After a year filled with changes Angela at EarthMamas World has to remind herself that she does not have to be supermom while recovering from the holiday chaos.

Learning to trust the Fuzz

Welcome to the Body: AMAZING Carnival!



This post was written as a part of the Body: AMAZING Carnival co-hosted by Jennifer of True Confessions of a Real Mommy and Amy of Anktangle. Carnival participants were invited to write about how we learn to appreciate the ways our bodies grow and change. Our posts explain some incredible ways our bodies impress and amaze us.



Please read to the bottom to find a list of submissions from all of today's carnival participants.

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It happened every winter. The cold. The chill. The long pants. It was so easy to hide. Why take up my precious shower time to shave what can't be seen? I already stopped using shampoo and conditioner on a regular basis and seen positive results.

I never did like all the work, dry skin, ingrown hairs. And I had been working on accepting my body. Trusting that my body works the way it does for a reason. So, why wouldn't that apply to body hair? Also, who decided that hair is ok on men, but unhygienic on women? The very idea that women could not be sexy with body hair bothered me. Women are meant to have body hair. When we reach puberty it starts developing along with our other changes. It is an outward sign of our maturity. Removing seemed to point toward a drive at sexualizing the prepubescent hairlessness of young girls. That was really the place that lead me to the decision to stop removing my leg, armpit, and pubic hair. When my daughter was grown, how would I explain this to her?

I feel relieved to not have to worry about this grooming practice anymore. I still wear skirts and shorts when the occasion or weather call for it. Only rarely do I make an effort to cover what is not an unnoticeable amount of hair. I feel it is just part of who I am. My shower time can now be a focus on caring for who I am, almost meditative as the hot water runs over me, rejuvenating and relaxing me. This is my time. No worry to what the rest of the world expects of me. I am soft and fuzzy all over. That is just how my body works and part of who I am.

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More to read and love about honoring our bodies at these other blogs. Please visit them all and leave some comment love!



Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy is moved to trust her body, even the fuzzy parts. You can also find Jennifer on Facebook and Twitter.



Amy of Anktangle writes about living with chronic pain and how she appreciates the ways her body functions in spite of its challenges. You can also find Amy on Facebook and Twitter.



Mari from Honey on the Bum talks a little bit about how her body has changed and how she loves it and what it does for her. You can also find Mari on Twitter.



Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about why she's not worried about how her body looks, because it has a much more important job right now.



Joella from Fine and Fair discusses her love and respect for her body as it grows and changes during pregnancy over. Hear more from Joella on Twitter and Facebook.



Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow on how Paganism taught her to accept reality and by extension herself and her body. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.



Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares about her love/hate relationship with a nose that she saw as ugly . . . until she started to learn to love it. Amy W. can also be followed on Twitter and Facebook.



Destany at They Are All of Me writes about releasing the negative notions she was taught about her period, and embracing it instead.



Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children talks about how she had to push through her pre-conditioned comfort level and found herself in a position to naturally be open and honest with her children. More great stuff from Mandy on Facebook.



Lauren at Hobo Mama is not a runner . . . but she proved herself wrong by completing a race. Keep up with Lauren's adventures on Twitter and Facebook.

Sustainable Living: Balancing Price and Ethics

Welcome to the October 2012 Natural Living Blog Carnival: Ethical Shopping Choices This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Natural Living Blog Carnival hosted by Happy Mothering and The Pistachio Project through the Green Moms Network. This month our members have written posts about how they make purchasing choices.

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If you have ever had a chance to check out our meal plans, you know we eat pretty well. What you may not know is that I do it on a pretty limited budget (less than $1 person/meal). So,  I have to constantly make choices that balance values, nutrition, and budget.

Local

Picking blueberries.

We choose to do what we can to first choose local. We live in the Pacific Northwest, so it is easier than many places. I was able to save up a bit over the summer to make a bulk purchase of dry goods that were mostly local and organic through a group. We frequent farmer's markets and a local produce stand where we meet the owners and hope we can trust their answers. Because we get to know our sources, we stand a better chance at getting a better deal.
BUT
Things like rice and pasta fill our bellies for longer periods, and there just isn't a local source for these. If there is, the price difference is so drastic, I can't justify it. My budget isn't just there to help manage our funds, it IS our funds, and when it is gone, that is it. So, if I can feed my family 4 times with imported over once with the local, then so be it.

All from my garden at my mom's house.

Organic/Humane 

Firstly, just to balance between the Local and Organic/Humane categories is tricky.
We purchase produce through a CSA that works with not just local organic sources, but distant ones so we can treat ourselves to things like bananas and oranges.
After that, we just flat out can not afford to buy everything organic. We can't afford to always eat pastured, grass fed, free range, etcetera. But, I feel these are important things. So instead we choose to limit our meat intake, so we can splurge for that amazing grass fed beef roast. I think we only buy it twice a year, and it is a big occasion. I try to attend to the Dirty Dozen but have grace for the Clean Fifteen.



Fair Trade
We drink coffee every day. I think that for something we are going to consume every day, we are especially responsible to make sure it is clean, and sustainable. It took us a little bit to find a way to enjoy this morning ritual frugally as well as sustainably, but it seems to be becoming more common to find.  There have been times when we chose to go without over purchasing less responsible sources.

Our Garden
We work hard to supplement our budget with our own garden. We don't own our home, and only recently moved out of apartment living, so my garden is at my mom's house. I spend the fall preserving all the bounty I can get my hands on. This helps us enormously, and I am so grateful for the help my family is in creating that space and cultivating that.

Digging potatoes.

Doesn't that all sounds so great and idyllic?  It is all how we truly want to be. We do our best to manage it. But honestly: we are only partially there. There were times when groceries are a concern and we are scraping the back of the pantry for something to fill our children's bellies. For us, it all comes down to constantly reminding ourselves that we do not need a constant supply of any particular food, so we can be discernable when we do treat ourselves. If we can't afford to eat humanely raised meat every day then we don't need to be eating meat every day. By focusing on local in season. Choosing our priorities and doing the best we can with what we have. And counting our blessings with every bite we take.

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Visit Happy Mothering and The Pistachio Project to learn more about participating in next month’s Natural Living Blog Carnival! Please take some time to enjoy the posts our other carnival participants have contributed:

Protecting the Gift

Welcome to the October 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Instilling a Healthy Self-Image
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared confessions, wisdom, and goals for helping children love who they are. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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There are all kinds of great information out there for "instilling positive self image" in your children. They are wonderful posts aimed at encouraging parents to do what they can to encourage their children to believe they are everything they should be and to celebrate it in their own way. This is not that kind of post. This is the kind of post where I tell you that it is my experience that most children already know this! Unless they have been damaged by an uncaring adult, or are the occasional child with an "old soul" that weighs heavily on them, they know they are put on this earth to have it revolve around them. ;-)

So, what does that mean for us? Shouldn't we be doing something to boost our children up? The short answer: no.

The long answer? The world is a hard place. Too many people trying to prove themselves. Too many damaged by their elder's system of child rearing; who are themselves trying to prove to the world that they are valuable. Media telling us that we are not enough. Somewhere along the way they were told they weren't, and it stuck to them. So, your job is to keep all of this grief from tainting your child's view. No easy task at all. Protect them from those that would steal away their feeling of self worth.

There are so many expectations put upon our children: who they should be, what they should know, how they should act. The first way to protect them: don't project that onto them. Boys don't need to be labeled Linebacker From Birth, and girls don't need "Princess" on everything thing they own. When people asked how we could buy anything for our unborn child without knowing if it was a boy or girl, I was almost sad. It is a BABY. S/he doesn't need to be known for what kind of private parts they have. A baby doesn't care.

Fast forward a few years to your child's first taking on getting themselves dressed. It is rarely anything you would have picked out. Mismatched. Half worn "wrong." But they are SO impressed with themselves. Take a breath. Go with it. If it is not comfortable, they will be sure to tell you (have you known a child to NOT complain when they needed to?) Accept your child's choices as they are made. Sure, you might need to make some adjustments for the swimsuit in the dead of winter: grab some extra clothes for them and head on out. It isn't hard. Don't fight it, just smile and pack along a pair of pants.

L2 felt a "Pretty Party Dress" was in order for his birthday.

Then there is the wide, wide world. We can't protect them from every commercial, ad, cereal box, and loud mouthed person. So, how do we put up a buffer from the ideas the world has?

First: love yourself. I know. It is hard. Sometimes almost impossible. But try to NEVER speak badly about yourself in front of your kids. (Really, just don't speak badly about yourself. You are wonderful.)

Talk to them about the ways what we see is not always truth. People use computer tricks to change pictures. That they are meant to play with you to make you think that product is worth buying. Be clear that it isn't how things really are, or even should be.

Your child is amazing. They know they are, otherwise they wouldn't think that the world revolved around them (because it CLEARLY does)! All you have to do is let that feeling grow. Not by thinking you can create it yourself, but by protecting their gift of self by keeping yourself and the rest of the world from ruining it.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon October 9 with all the carnival links.)

• Why I Walk Around Naked — Meegs at A New Day talks about how she embraces her own body so that her daughter might embrace hers.
• What I Am Is Not Who I Am — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses her views on the importance of modeling WHO she is for her daughter and not WHAT she sees in the mirror.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Verbs vs. Adjectives — Alisha at Cinnamon & Sassafras tries hard to compliment what her son does, not who he is.
• The Naked Family — Sam at Love Parenting talks about how nudity and bodily functions are approached in her home.
• How She'll See Herself — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis discusses some of the challenges of raising a daughter in our culture and how she's hoping to overcome them.
• Self Esteem and all it's pretty analogies — Musings from Laura at Pug in the Kitchen on what she learned about self-esteem in her own life and how it applies to her parenting.
• Beautiful — Tree at Mom Grooves writes about giving her daughter the wisdom to appreciate her body and how trying to be a role model taught Tree how to appreciate her own.
• Do As I Say, Not As I Do: Nurturing A Healthy Body Image — Christy at Eco Journey in the Burbs is changing perceptions about her body so that she may model living life with a positive, healthy body image for her three young daughters.
• Some{BODY} to Love — Kate Wicker has faced her own inner demons when it comes to a poor body image and even a clinical eating disorder, and now she wants to help her daughters to be strong in a world that constantly puts girls at risk for losing their true selves. This is Kate's love letter to her daughters reminding them to not only accept their bodies but to accept themselves as well in every changing season of life.
• They Make Creams For That, You Know — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about celebrating her natural beauty traits, especially the ones she passed onto her children.
• New Shoes for Mama — Kellie of Our Mindful Life, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, is getting some new shoes, even though she is all grown up…
• Raising boys with bodily integrity — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants her boys to understand their own bodily autonomy — so they'll respect their own and others'.
• Sowing seeds of self-love in our children — After struggling to love herself despite growing up in a loving family, Shonnie at Heart-Led Parenting has suggestions for parents who truly want to nurture their children's self-esteem.
• Subtle Ways to Build a Healthy Self-Image — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM discusses the little things she and her husband do every day to help their daughter cultivate a healthy self-image.
• On Barbie and Baby Bikinis: The Sexualization of Young Girls — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger finds it difficult to keep out the influx of messages aimed at her young daughters that being sexy is important.
• Undistorted — Focusing on the beauty and goodness that her children hold, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children watches them grow, loved and undistorted.
• Off The Hook — Arpita at Up, Down and Natural sheds light on the journey of infertility, and how the inability to get pregnant and stay pregnant takes a toll on self image…only if you let it. And that sometimes, it feels fantastic to just let yourself off the hook.
• Going Beyond Being An Example — Becky at Old New Legacy discusses three suggestions on instilling healthy body image: positivity, family dinners, and productivity.
• Raising a Confident Kid — aNonymous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways she's trying to raise a confident daughter and to instil a healthy attitude to appearance and self-image.
• Instilling a Healthy Self Image — Laura at This Mama's Madness hopes to promote a healthy self-image in her kids by treating herself and others with respect, honesty, and grace.
• Stories of our Uniqueness — Casey at Sesame Seed Designs looks for a connection to the past and celebrates the stories our bodies can tell about the present.
• Helping My Boy Build a Healthy Body Image — Lyndsay at ourfeminist{play}school offers readers a collection of tips and activities that she uses in her journey to helping her 3-year-old son shape a healthy body image.
• Eat with Joy and Thankfulness: A Letter to my Daughters about Food — Megan at The Boho Mama writes a letter to her daughters about body image and healthy attitudes towards food.
• Helping Our Children Have Healthy Body Images — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares information about body image, and her now-adult daughter tells how she kept a healthy body image through years of ballet and competitive figure skating.
• Namaste — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how at barely 6 years old, her daughter has begun to say, "I'm not beautiful." And while it's hard to listen to, she also sees it as a sign her daughter is building her self-image in a grassroots kind of way.
• 3 Activities to Help Instill a Healthy Self-Image in Your Child — Explore the changing ideals of beauty, create positive affirmations, and design a self-image awareness collage. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares these 3 ideas + a pretty affirmation graphic you can print and slip in your child's lunchbox.
• Beautiful, Inside and Out — It took a case of adult-onset acne for Kat of MomeeeZen to find out her parenting efforts have resulted in a daughter that is truly beautiful, inside and out.
• Mirroring Positive Self Image for Toddlers — Shannon at GrowingSlower reflects on encouraging positive self image in even the youngest members of the family.
• How I hope to instill a healthy body image in my two girls — Raising daughters with healthy body image in today's society is no small task, but Xela at The Happy Hippie Homemaker shares how choosing our words carefully and being an example can help our children learn to love their bodies.
• Self Image has to Come from Within — Momma Jorje shares all of the little things she does to encourage healthy attitudes in her children, but realizes she can't give them their self images.
• Protecting the Gift — JW from True Confessions of a Real Mommy wants you to stop thinking you need to boost your child up: they think they are wonderful all on their own.
• Learning to Love Myself, for my Daughter — Michelle at Ramblings of Mitzy addresses her own poor self-image.
• Nurturing An Innate Sense of Self — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting shares her efforts to preserve the confidence and healthy sense of self they were born with.
• Don't You Love Me, Mommy?: Instilling Self-Esteem in Young Children After New Siblings Arrive — Jade at Seeing Through Jade Glass But Dimly hopes that her daughter will learn to value herself as an individual rather than just Momma's baby
• Exercising is FUN — Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work talks about modeling for her children that exercising is FUN and good for body and soul.
• Poor Little Chicken — Kenna at A Million Tiny Things gets her feathers ruffled over her daughter's clothing anxiety.
• Loving the skin she's in — Mama Pie at Downside Up and Outside In struggles with her little berry's choice not to celebrate herself and her heritage.

Wordless Wednesday September 5th, 2012: Learning is Playing

I am a Ty-ran-sus Rex!

Boundaries in Breastfeeding

Welcome to the Fabulous Hybrid Blog Carnival. Our topic this summer is BOUNDARIES! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Blog Carnival hosted by The Fabulous Mama Chronicles and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on boundaries in all of its many forms. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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**This post in no way makes judgment on any parenting choices or decisions. Just an explanation of what was needed for me and my breastfeeding relationships to thrive!** 

When I was younger, I saw a woman who practiced full-term breastfeeding; her child was about 2. While it seems many people get squicked out and think "I could never breastfeed a child that old," I saw more. I saw how wonderful it was to the breastfeeding pair to have that available to help keep their connection during a busy event. The only thing I saw was the mother's embarrassment at her child's manner of request: lifting her shirt up, without warning.

This memory served to form some of my earliest thoughts on breastfeeding. I felt bad for her embarrassment, but could see how creating boundaries could help me and my future child enjoy a full term breastfeeding relationship, while honoring my needs at the same time. The World Health Organization calls for breastfeeding for at least 2 years or or more. Le Leche League calls for the relationship to continue for as long as they wish to. For my personal needs, I knew I needed to address my need for bodily autonomy from the very beginning, so I could be better able to meet my children's breastfeeding needs as long as possible.

From the start, we worked to teach methods of communicating that could be used anywhere and anytime. We would teach sign language; we used the sign for milk. My boys picked this up fairly quickly, L3 has other ideas. She hits my breast when she wants to nurse. I love that she is developing a clear sign for her needs, but it isn't one that I feel is respectful. So I do my best to gently take her hand (I usually kiss her fist,) request gentle touches and help her sign milk. When each of them started reaching in my shirt, I would do the same, but including mentioning that this was MY body and I would share, but needed to be asked rather than just being touched without permission.

The bonus lesson to teaching about person body space is also teaching my children that bodies are personal. Theirs as well. It is ours to use and share as we feel comfortable. I want to teach them it is ok to require respect of their space from outside sources.

As your child gets older, it is important for breastfeeding to be mutually agreeable. There are times we need to set respectful limits, so everyone has their needs met.

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Visit Hybrid Rasta Mama and the Fabulous Mama Chronicles to find out how you can participate in the next Fabulous Hybrid Carnival! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants.

• Boundaries For The Attached Parenting Sexual Abuse Survivor - Guggie Daly at The Guggie Daily discusses how to balance the boundaries needed by a sexual abuse survivor with attachment parenting.
• Setting Boundaries With Kids - Amy at Presence Parenting explores why boundaries may be more about us than our kids.
• Limiting Dysfunction - Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles speaks speaks out about the underlying dysfunction in her relationship with her parents and the strategies she’s had to implement to ensure the psychological health of herself and her family.
• My Fence - Jorje shares how and why she she feels the need to be guarded with her family on Momma Jorje.
• How To Set and Enforce Boundaries – Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama offers 6 suggestions on how to more effectively establish and enforce your boundaries, especially with those who blatantly disregard them.
• Boundaries in Breastfeeding - JW of True Confessions of a Real Mommy explores teaching personal space rules to allow a respectful breastfeeding relationship as well as honoring their own body autonomy.
• 3 Steps for Respecting Boundaries While Fulfilling Needs Within a Marriage - Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about three ways her husband and herself protect their own boundaries while still meeting each others needs.
• Establishing Boundaries With A Babymoon - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares how important enforcing a babymoon was to establishing a new parental identity in the face of her in-laws.
• Planting The Seed: Teaching Kids About Healthy Boundaries And Saying No - MomeeeZen recently had to teach her daughter about setting healthy boundaries and about saying "No", even if it's to someone in your family.

Strawberry Preserves!

LOOK! I made strawberry jam syrup all by myself!

This was only my 3rd attempt at canning, second making jam, and first by myself. It tastes delicious, but just hasn't set right. I am reading that strawberries are particularly temperamental, and I goofed a bit on when to add the sugar and pectin, so I don't feel too bad about it.  

Do you have any tips to share? Recipes that call for strawberry syrup? I'm all ears!