A Love You Can Depend On

Welcome to the January 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: The More Things Stay the Same

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about the continuity and constancy in their lives. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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"You can't love someone for what they look like, something they do, or who they are. Because all of those things can change, at any time. If you love someone, love them. That's it. Just them, for them, and nothing else."

One of the best pieces of life wisdom I was ever told, and I can't even remember who it was that said it. When I started to write this post, I was going to write about the constant that is the love I have and receive from my husband. As the words came flowing out, I realized that that idea of unconditional love was also everything I have for my children.

We can't love them for their sweet breath,
eventually they will forget to brush their teeth.
But, it can make our hearts glow to see their happiness and smiles.
We can't love them for their tiny toes,
for eventually we will quietly (or not so quietly) lament how fast they outgrow their shoes.
The love you show them helps them grow.
Their sweet "Mommy/Daddy" won't always be a gleeful exclamation,
But, we can always be ready to show them we are glad for their attention.
One day the world's troubles won't be solved with some nursies and snuggles,
That doesn't mean we won't offer a warm drink and a hug.
We can't forget our love for them when they refuse to bring a coat.
Or even when they say they don't love us.
We can love and love and love, because it is not their actions, faces, or who they are that we love.
We just love them.




And, because "in my van, it is all Rush, all the time!" I can't finish this post without sharing that this is what was stuck in my head every time someone mentioned this carnival topic. (And if you know the origin of that quote, we should really be friends.)

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Always an Artist — Some kids take longer than others to come into themselves, so you have to stick with them, as a parent, long after everyone else has given up, writes Douglas at Friendly Encounters.
• Not Losing Yourself as a First Time Mom — Katie at All Natural Katie continues to stay true to herself after becoming a new mom.
• Using Continuity to Help Change {Carnival of Natural Parenting} — Meegs from A New Day talks about how she is using continuity in certain areas of her life to help promote change and growth in others.
• Staying the Same : Security — Life changes all the time with growing children but Mother Goutte realised that there are other ways to 'stay the same' and feel secure, maybe a bit too much so!
• Harmony is What I'm After — Tribal Mama gushes about how constant change is really staying the same and staying the same brings powerful change.
• A Primal Need For Order and Predictability – And How I Let That Go — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she overcame her primal need for order and predictability once her awareness shifted, opening her eyes to the impact this had on her young daughter. Take a short journey with Jennifer and she bares her soul, exposes her weaknesses and celebrates her new outlook and approach to living life, even in the face of total chaos.
• Breastfeeding Before and After — Breastfeeding has come and gone, but Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow finds that her relationship with her son is still just the same and just as good.
• A Real Job — Back in high school That Mama Gretchen had a simple, but worthwhile career aspiration and today she is living her dream … is it what you think?
• Comforting — sustainablemum never thought she would want things always being the same, but she explains why it is exactly what her family wants and needs.
• 'The Other Mums' and The Great Illusion — Marija Smits reflects on the 'great big magic show of life' and wonders if it will continue to remain a constant in our lives.
• Unschooling: Learning doesn't change when a child turns four — Charlotte at Winegums & Watermelons talks about the pressure of home education when everyone else's children are starting school.
• Finding Priorities in Changing Environments — Moving from Maine to a rural Alaskan island for her husband's military service, Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work found that keeping consistent with her priorities in changing environments can take some work, but is vital to continuous health and happiness.
• Keeping it "Normal" — Kellie at Our Mindful Life has moved several times in the last two years, while doing her best to keep things stable for her kids.
• The Evolution Of Our Homeschool Journey — Angela at Earth Mama's World reflects on her homeschooling journey. Homeschooling is a constant in the life of her family but the way in which they learn has been an evolution.
• Sneaking in Snuggles: Using Nurturing Touch with Older Children — When Dionna at Code Name: Mama's son was a toddler and preschooler, he was the most loving, affectionate kiddo ever. But during the course of his 5th year, he drastically reduced how often he showed affection. Dionna shares how she is mindfully nurturing moments of affection with her son.
• Steady State — Zoie at TouchstoneZ writes a letter to her partner about his constancy through the rough sailing of parenting.
• A Love You Can Depend On — Over at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, Jennifer has a sweet little poem reminding us where unconditional love really lies, so it can remain a constant for us and our children.
• Same S#!*, Different Day — Struggling against the medical current can certainly get exhausting, especially as the hunt for answers drags on like it has for Jorje of Momma Jorje.
• New Year, Still Me — Mommy Bee at Little Green Giraffe writes about how a year of change helped her rediscover something inside herself that had been the same all along.
• One Little Word for 2014 — Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs has decided to focus on making things this year, which is what she is loves, as long as she doesn't kill herself in the process.
• The Beauty of Using Montessori Principles of Freedom and Consistency — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares the continuity of her teaching, parenting, and grandparenting philosophy using a combination of freedom and consistency.
• My Husband's Mini — Crunchy Con Mom shares which of her sons looks more like her husband's baby pictures — and the answer might surprise you!
• Growth Happens When You Aren't Looking — Lori at TEACH through Love is treasuring these fleeting moments of her daughter's early adolescence by embracing the NOW.
• A New Reality Now - Poem — As Luschka from Diary of a First Child struggles to come to terms with the loss of her mother, she shares a simple poem, at a loss for more words to say.
• Making a family bedroom — Lauren at Hobo Mama has decided to be intentional about her family's default cosleeping arrangements and find a way to keep everyone comfortable.
• New Year, Same Constants — Ana at Panda & Ananaso takes a look at some of the things that will stay the same this year as a myriad of other changes come.
• I Support You: Breastfeeding and Society — Despite how many strides we've taken to promote "breast is best," Amy at Natural Parents Network talks about how far we still have to go to normalize breastfeeding in our society.

Keeping Your Cool, When You Aren't

OR 

Anger Management The Geek Parent Way

Of course, we will start out with wise words from Yoda:

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” 

(Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999))

Now, it is not likely that the anger that flares up while dealing with your children is THAT strong, and we love our children. But, there is an important idea there. WHY are we angry about our children's behavior? There is a good case to be made that it is fear that triggers that anger. Fear you are not a good parent. Of your child never learning important lessons about acceptable behavior. Maybe even a fear your child is controlling you. Whatever it is, trying to find the base of the emotion, the trigger, will give you a jumping off point for changing your fate.

What do we do in the mean time? We have rolled the dice, our children are here, our destiny is now, and once again you are being ignored and you.are.pissed at your child. It may not always work to stop and consider our darker demons when the red dragon is rising to the surface and we can feel the fire of our voice rising in our throats.

How does Bruce Banner keep the Other Guy under wraps? Yoga? Meditation? No. 

          

"That's my secret, Cap: I'm always angry." 

(The Avengers (2012))

I'm not suggesting your keep a running thread of anger just under the surface. What I do say is: accept your anger. You are ANGRY! You have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings are valid. Feel them. Feel, but don't let them control you. Don't let the monster take over.

Often, we get stuck in this rut of just feeling angry and put out by our children's needs and demands all the time. It does become that running thread of emotion just under the surface, looking for a chink in our armor.

Harry Potter: "I just feel so angry, all the time. What if after everything that I've been through, something's gone wrong inside me? What if I'm becoming bad?
Sirius Black: "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Harry. You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." 

(Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004))

We are human, and therefor aren't perfect. Most of us will fail to uphold our values of gentle parenting at some point. When that happens, we have a decision to make. Allow the darkness to take over, or strive on for the light. Apologize to your child. Make it clear they do not deserve that kind of treatment, no matter their behavior, because you love them and want to be the kind of parent they deserve (that Harry never even had a chance to have.) You are your choice to be a respectful parent.

How do we break these habits? For all our research, reading, support groups, and maybe even a desperate drive to be better than we are at being gentle parents, we still struggle in the moment. What to do when it just seems impossible to make it through the day without scolding or yelling? 

"What if you were really old, and really kind and lonely, your whole race dead. What couldn't you do then? If you were that old, and that kind, and the very last of your kind, you couldn't just stand there and watch children cry." 

(Amy Pond; Doctor Who; The Beast Below)

And in case you need any more ideas on how to keep your cool, here is a great "education film" I came across.

Five Essentials for Homeschooling

Legal bit, covering my butt. Affiliate links: they don't actually pay out much for me, but they are here, don't cost you extra, and hey, I get a piece instead of the company getting it all.

Homeschooling is not an easy gig. Ok, it may be easier to not be on someone else's clock to get kids up, dressed, fed, and to school. But, to keep things interesting, functioning, and care for the needs of everyone in the family at the same time all day every day is no cake walk. There are a few things that I just could not do without at this point in our journey.

The Library

I don't even mean story times (because we don't do those, but I know plenty of families that enjoy it) but just the mass of information right there for us to gobble up. For the free printing we get every week. Librarians who work hard to fill our request lists so books are ready on the hold shelf when we don't have a lot of time, and ones who listen intently to my child ask about their current interests and lead them to more resources for expanding their knowledge. And I have hardly delved in to their website, media centers, and other programs they have available!

Homeschool Community

It can be in real life or online. Or both. Having other people to bounce ideas off of, gather new ideas, meet up for group activities, and generally share the praises and pitfalls of the homeschool life. By creating social circles beyond my geographic limitations, I have come across SO MANY new ideas that NEVER would have even crossed my mind. Just don't forget that even thought we might all homeschool, that can look VERY different for each family, and we don't need to compete with each other over styles.

Pinterest

Seems silly. I almost didn't admit to it here. But, it has been great to see what other families have found, organize links for later use (that I can access on any computer!), and sort by which child or topic. This is mostly because I (as previously mentioned) frequently use the library computers to print activity sheets and such. Find me!

Kids

Duh, right? Hear me out. I could plan everything out, schedule lesson plans, organize each day from sun up to dinner and keep track of all of the in between. That may work for other families (no judgement). But what we have found in our house: our children learn in leaps and bounds when we just leave them alone. Support their interests, create space for their projects. Because they create them all on their own when given supplies, time, and our belief that what they do is important work, even it it looks like a giant mess. Being that the main we reason we choose to homeschool is to offer them individualized education, it would be a little silly to just follow an arbitrary curriculum at home.

Books

Of course you need books. What I mean are a few particular books that really helped me take a look at what our goals were/are and as general guides on our path. This isn't to say that we follow these books to a T or even vaguely. They did have an impact on the directions we take and I am just sharing to give you the chance to see as well.

What kind of things do you depend on to make your child's education the best it can be? Even if that isn't homeschool, I would love to hear!

2013 Gratitude Challenge!

I have done this in the past. And Momma Jorje is right, it is time to do it again. Without further ado:

Healthy Child Summit

Have you ever felt overwhelmed when it comes to making the best choices for your family?

With all the hidden dangers lurking in our food supply, water supply, products we use daily, and even just in the environment, more and more parents are choosing to live a simpler, more natural lifestyle. But making the transition is enough to make any parent's head spin. And what about those soon-to-be parents who are just beginning their journey? All the research, websites, and books lead to information overload.

Know Better, Do Better. Except When I Don't.

Welcome to the June 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting:
Parenting in Theory vs. in Reality

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants are sharing how their ideas and methods of parenting have changed.

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I have taken care of children for almost all my life. My brother was born when I was two, and my dad says I took up caring for him from the very beginning. From siblings, to babysitting, to a homeschooling nanny, I had ample time to see the importance of parenting decisions, and most importantly how those decisions work out in the long run. Yes, there was a time that I thought spankings and other hurtful, shaming tactics were how you raised children. Then I saw their effectiveness fall to the wayside as the children grew and knew they were not teaching the lessons I wanted to teach my children. And by being a part of supervising homeschooling children, I would learn the true nature of learning and education. That it is possible to trust a child's intrinsic drive to explore and discover.

So, there were certain statements I made as I moved toward being a parent of my own children.

"I won't spank."
"If it is at all possible, I will not send my children to industrialized (public) school."
"I will breastfeed my child."
"I want to use cloth diapers."

And, I stand by these statements, even though all of them were shot down or laughed at by some people. So many people said I would change my tune when I was in the midst of parenting. Or well meaning people would almost give me "permission" to fail. That may be nice for some people, but when I set a goal I want SUPPORT, not naysayers.

Most importantly, I need support for when I loose my path to these goals. Because what I did find as I fell down the parenting rabbit hole was that even with full knowledge, education, and belief in these convictions about what kind of parent I want to be: all too often I fail. I can spout off all the reasons for my decisions, and support them with research and studies. But in the thick of it, sometimes I lose myself to the darker corners of my mind that recalls what my experience was as a child and forget that is not what I want in the present.

What I have had to realize is that I can't just make up my mind about what kind of parent I want to be. I can't just read about it. I need to surround myself with people who believe what I believe. Who practice the values I want for myself and my family. So we can support each other in changing how our brains process and move into responding in ways we may never or rarely saw growing up. And to laugh it off when we see a cloth diaper advocate with a babe in disposables and know that it means maybe she needs a little extra love in the moment.



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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• My little gastronomes — "I'll never cook a separate meal for my children," Maud at Awfully Chipper vowed before she had children; but things didn't turn out quite as she'd imagined.
• Know Better, Do Better. Except When I Don't. — Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy was able to settle in her parenting choices before her children arrived, but that doesn't mean she always lives up to them.
• Judgments Made Before Motherhood — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks back on her views of parents she came in contact with before she became a mother and how much her worldview of parenting has changed!
• A Bend in The Road — Lyndsay at ourfeministplayschool writes about how her visions of homeschooling her son during the elementary school years have changed drastically in the last year - because HE wants to go to school.
• I Wish Children Came with Instruction Manuals — While Dionna at Code Name: Mama loves reading about parenting, she's not found any one book that counts as an instruction manual. Every child is different, every family is different, every dynamic is different. No single parenting method or style is the be-all end-all. Still, wouldn't it be nice if parenting were like troubleshooting?
• The Mistakes I've Made — Kate at Here Now Brown Cow laments the choices she made with her first child and explains how ditching her preconceived ideas on parenting is helping her to grow a happy family.
• I Only Expected to Love... — Kellie at Our Mindful Life went into parenting expecting to not have all the answers. It turns out, she was right!
• They See Me Wearin', They Hatin' — Erin Yuki at And Now, for Something Completely Different contemplates putting her babywearing aspirations into practice, and discussed how she deals with "babywearing haters."
• Parenting Human Beings — Erika Gebhardt lists her parenting "mistakes," and the one concept that has revolutionized her parenting.
• Doing it right: what I knew before I had kids... — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud, guest posting at Natural Parents Network realises that the number one game in town, when it comes to parenting, is judgement about doing it right. But "doing it right" looks different to everybody.
• A synopsis of our reality as first time parents — Amanda at My Life in a Nut Shell summarizes the struggles she went through to get pregnant, and how her daughter's high needs paved the way for her and her husband to become natural parents.
• Theory to Reality? — Jorje compares her original pre-kid ideas (some from her own childhood) to her personal parenting realities on MommaJorje.com.
• The Princess Paradigm — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen had planned to raise her daughter in a sparkly, princess-free home, but in turn has found herself embracing the glitz.
• Healthy Eating With Kids: Ideal vs. Real — Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs had definite ideas about what healthy eating was going to look like in her family before she had kids. Little did she realize that her kids would have something to say about it.
• How to deal with unwanted parenting advice — Tat at Mum in Search thought that dealing with unwanted parenting advice would be a breeze. It turned out to be one of her biggest challenges as a new mum.
• How I trained my 43 month old in 89 days! — Becky at Old New Legacy used to mock sticker charts, until they became her best friend in the process of potty training.
• My Double Life: Scheduling with Twins — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot was banging her head against the wall trying to keep up with the plan she made during pregnancy, until she let her babies lead the way.
• Parenting in the land of compromise — As a holistic health geek trying to take care of her health issues naturally, Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama regrets that her needs sometimes get in the way of her children's needs.
• Practice Makes Good, Not Perfect — Rachael at The Variegated Life comes to see that through practice, she just might already be the parent she wants to be.
• 3 Dangerous Myths about Parenting and Partnering: How to Free Yourself and Your Family — Sheila Pai at A Living Family shares in theory (blog) and reality (video) how she frees herself from 3 Dangerous Myths about Parenting and Partnering that can damage the connection, peace and love she seeks to nurture in her relationships with family and others.
• 5 Things I Thought MY Children Would Never Do — Luschka at Diary of a First Child largely laughs at herself and her previous misconceptions about things her children would or wouldn't do, or be allowed to do.
• Policing politeness — Lauren at Hobo Mama rethinks a conviction she had about modeling vs. teaching her children about courtesy.
• The Before and The After: Learning about Parenting — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work reminisces about the perspective she held as a young adult working with children (and parents) . . . before she became a mother.
• Parenting Beliefs: Becoming the Parent You Want to Be — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how we can make a mindful decision to become the parent we want to be. Decisions we make affect who we will become.
• The Great Breastfeeding Debacle — In Lisa at The Squishable Baby's mind, breastfeeding would be easy.
• What my daughter taught me about being a parent — Mrs Green asks, "Is it ever ok to lock your child in their bedroom?"
• Sensory Box Fail! — Megan at The Boho Mama discovers that thoughtful sensory activities can sometimes lead to pasta in your bra and beans up your nose.
• Montessori and My Children – Theory vs. Reality — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares her experiences with Montessori parenting and describes the results she sees in her now-adult children.
• I Like The Mother I Am Now More Than The Mother I Intended To Be — Darcel at The Mahogany Way thought she would just give her kids the look and they would immediately fall in line.
• How I Ended Up Like My Tiger Mom With Peaceful Parenting — Theek at The Laotian Commotion somehow ended up like her Tiger Mom, even though she purposely tried for the complete opposite as a peaceful parent.

Faith, Trust, and a Little Bit Of Poetry

I decided to give Hobo Mama's Poetry Challenge a try. Hope you enjoy!

Trust

Loving you before
I ever meet you
Trusting life will always be
The greatest lesson I could ever
Learn. Welcome to the great
Endevor. I have the greatest
Optimism that you will
Never be alone
Every hope is yours

Partners:

He loves me
For my eyes
My smile
My laugh
He loves me
For my hair
My body
My life
He loves me
For my strength
My endurance
My compassion
He loves me
For my fears
My anger
My faults
He loves me
Without change
He loves me
For me

Faith:

Life is always life
Always moving forward
Breathe, Eat, Sleep
Life is always life
Yet two are never same
Even one sees constant change
Life is always life
Some are grand or modest
Others sad or destitute; But
Life is always life
Each life is different
Each life a chance
We choose the paths
That change our life; But
Life is always life

5 A Day

Welcome to the January 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Recovering from the Holidays

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about how their families get back to normal after the holidays are over.

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New year. Resolutions. You know the drill. We needed a way to create a sense of expectation and rhythm to our day. Mostly because we were wasting our days unsure what to do, daunted by all the things we needed to do, and irritated at how those things kept us from doing the things we want.

5 things. Every day we have 5 things to do. 5 things were enough to feel accomplished, but few enough that even my three year old can remember.


1. Do laundry
2. Pick up bedroom
3. Do dishes
4. Make cookies
5. Play games
OR
1. Fill bird feeder
2. Clean playroom
3. Scrub Toilets
4. Prep produce delivery
5. Go to the library

School time is dispersed between these activities. Because there is only so much help you can inspire from the five and under crowd. And we don't say no to creative play, book reading, dancing, or any of the indoor things that are good for our bodies and minds. The first three things can be done in any order, but must be done before the last two.

This system creates the expectation of the day. They know when we will get a chance to go somewhere or turn on the tv. So far it helps curb the whining, and encourages everyone to participate in running our home and spending time learning.

It is really hard to teach intrinsic value to creating balance in our home when we lack it ourselves. As children, Mike usually had everything done for him and I was learned "just do it to avoid consequences." Neither are effective as adults when there is no one to do things for you or dole out punishments. We have to find appreciation for it on our own, and show our children that at the same time.


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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting this March!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 14 with all the carnival links.)

• Pinterest Inspiration for Easier Winter Holidays Shannon, writing at Natural Parents Network, shares inspiration for having more relaxed winter holidays from their Handmade Holidays Pinterest board.
• Seven Recipes for Beans - Post Holiday Cleaning — Destany at They Are All of Me shares her favorite bean recipes that she hopes will help her body recover from overindulging her sweet tooth during the holidays.
• The Recovery in the Change — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen made changes in her life and attitude throughout 2012 and was pleasantly surprised at how those changes impacted her holiday recovery!
• Could this question change your life for ever? — To get your new year off on the right footing, Mrs Green of Little Green Blog is challenging us all to love ourselves with commitment and discipline. She asks you to focus on a simple question which might just bring you back in balance...
• Holiday Recovery — Meegs at A New Day talks about how the holidays can be overwhelming for a toddler, and how she's helping her 3 year old recover.
• 5 Ways to Detox After the Holidays — Brittany at The Pistachio Project gives a few ways to help you detox and get back on track after the holiday season has passed.
• 3 Simple Ways to Establishing Rhythm After the Holidays or Any Time — Sheila at A Living Family shares 3 simple ways to reestablish a rhythm of connection and calm in your family after holidays, visitors, travel or any time.
• Gemstones For Holiday Hangoverss — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delves into the power of gemstones as an often overlooked means of dealing with the holiday letdown.
• Getting back to Healthy — Bess at A Warrior Mom talks about the struggle of getting young ones back to eating healthy after several days to weeks of getting more candy and sweets than normal for the holidays and gives some suggestions on how to get them back to eating healthy in the new year.
• Post Christmas Juice Feast — Sam at Love Parenting explains why she has created a new tradition of juice feasting, and how she includes her toddler when detoxing.
• The Java Monkey On My Back — Christy at Eco Journey in the Burbs realizes it is time to kick her cup of Joe habit as a first step toward detoxing.
• Minimalist Holidays — Jorje of Momma Jorje doesn't find much need for recovery after her minimalist version of the holidays.
• Do something for you — Lauren at Hobo Mama urges you to find a silly and indulgent reward of me-time — and she has hers.
• do we recover? — Kenna at Million Tiny Things wonders what recovery really means in the context of the tragedies of this past holiday season.
• 37 Easy Ways to Save Money — Shannon at GrowingSlower is sharing these money-saving tips to help get your budget back on track after the holidays.
• A Two Year Old's Resolutions — That Mama Gretchen is putting the holidays behind her with a spin on traditional resolutions — New Year's goals for her two-year-old! Sound crazy? Read on for an explanation!
• How to Find Balance after the Holidays — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her favorite ways to start a new year with hope and calmness.
• Fresh Awakening — For Luschka at Diary of a First Child, the new year has coincided with a return to restful nights. With sleep, she's found new directions in life, but while she can't make too many changes to her life right now, she's inspired and excited about the future.
• Learning to slow down after a busy Festive Season — Stoneageparent describes the joys and lows of this year's festive season, as well as her New Year's resolutions.
• Detoxing' Your Toddler After the Holidays — Does your family suffer side effects from the holidays? Join Christine from African Babies Don't Cry to learn how she detoxed herself and her toddler off the treats and festivities of the season.
• Scheduling is OK! — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep explores the possibilities of the — SCHEDULE!!
• We're Saving their First Christmas for Next Time — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot takes it easy after moving with her husband and new babies to Scotland.
• A Vacation from the World — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children retreats with her family at the end of every year in order to recuperate and enjoy one another.
• On the Road to Recovery — Dionna at Code Name: Mama isn't just recovering from the holidays, she's recovering from a lifestyle.
• We Never Left the Grind — Erika Gebhardt compares a typical day pre-holidays and post-holidays.
• Remembering and Recovering from the Holidays (One day at a time) — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM is recovering from holidays slowly--taking one day at a time--while trying to remember all the sweet moments that passed too quickly.
• 5 a Day — To get back on track Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy needed a simple system to help her family learn new values.
• Holiday Detox & Healing: Bieler Broth — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her secret for a gentle, whole-foods-based post-holiday detox: Bieler Broth!
• I'm Mama Not Supermom — After a year filled with changes Angela at EarthMamas World has to remind herself that she does not have to be supermom while recovering from the holiday chaos.

The New Santa Claus

We tend to shy away from the norm in our family, and holidays are no different. When a story doesn't resonate with us, we change it.

Before my husband and I even had children, we discussed many of the decisions we would have to make as parents. Even then we knew that, though we LOVE Christmas time and all that comes with it, not being truthful with our children did not sit well with us. (Also: we are selfish and want all the gift-giving credit for ourselves.) So, we looked to the history of Santa Claus to decide how to tell his story to our future children. It wasn't very hard to see that the origins were as simple as a man (saint or god) who was generous and giving. Caring for the poor and children. So, this is the story we tell.

Santa is real. He is the spirit of giving for all those in need. But, we are blessed to have the means to create our own Christmas. So, it is our charge to collect items that we no longer use: clothes, books, and toys. Then Santa Claus comes to collect our donations on (or around) December 5th to redistribute to those in need on Christmas. We make it clear that he does not bring us presents. Our family is full of uncles, aunts, grandmas, papas, and more that enjoy showing some of their love through gifts this time of year. So we are happy to help Santa provide for others (save the elves some work and Santa some time on his Christmas Eve adventure.) When we write letters to Santa, it is to thank him for the work he does.

What do we hope to achieve with the alteration of common cultural beliefs? We don't do "Naughty or Nice" in our home, instead choosing to do our best to honor that a child is HAVING a problem, not BEING a problem. We strive to reduce a consumerist "I want, I want!" ideal by including them in taking responsibility for caring for others. No need to look to a stranger to fulfill wants or needs, our family is there for us. All the while keeping with the magic of Santa.

I know everyone does the holidays a little different, how do you or do you even do Santa?

Wordless Wednesday October 24th, 2012: Smiles!

Protecting the Gift

Welcome to the October 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Instilling a Healthy Self-Image
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared confessions, wisdom, and goals for helping children love who they are. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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There are all kinds of great information out there for "instilling positive self image" in your children. They are wonderful posts aimed at encouraging parents to do what they can to encourage their children to believe they are everything they should be and to celebrate it in their own way. This is not that kind of post. This is the kind of post where I tell you that it is my experience that most children already know this! Unless they have been damaged by an uncaring adult, or are the occasional child with an "old soul" that weighs heavily on them, they know they are put on this earth to have it revolve around them. ;-)

So, what does that mean for us? Shouldn't we be doing something to boost our children up? The short answer: no.

The long answer? The world is a hard place. Too many people trying to prove themselves. Too many damaged by their elder's system of child rearing; who are themselves trying to prove to the world that they are valuable. Media telling us that we are not enough. Somewhere along the way they were told they weren't, and it stuck to them. So, your job is to keep all of this grief from tainting your child's view. No easy task at all. Protect them from those that would steal away their feeling of self worth.

There are so many expectations put upon our children: who they should be, what they should know, how they should act. The first way to protect them: don't project that onto them. Boys don't need to be labeled Linebacker From Birth, and girls don't need "Princess" on everything thing they own. When people asked how we could buy anything for our unborn child without knowing if it was a boy or girl, I was almost sad. It is a BABY. S/he doesn't need to be known for what kind of private parts they have. A baby doesn't care.

Fast forward a few years to your child's first taking on getting themselves dressed. It is rarely anything you would have picked out. Mismatched. Half worn "wrong." But they are SO impressed with themselves. Take a breath. Go with it. If it is not comfortable, they will be sure to tell you (have you known a child to NOT complain when they needed to?) Accept your child's choices as they are made. Sure, you might need to make some adjustments for the swimsuit in the dead of winter: grab some extra clothes for them and head on out. It isn't hard. Don't fight it, just smile and pack along a pair of pants.

L2 felt a "Pretty Party Dress" was in order for his birthday.

Then there is the wide, wide world. We can't protect them from every commercial, ad, cereal box, and loud mouthed person. So, how do we put up a buffer from the ideas the world has?

First: love yourself. I know. It is hard. Sometimes almost impossible. But try to NEVER speak badly about yourself in front of your kids. (Really, just don't speak badly about yourself. You are wonderful.)

Talk to them about the ways what we see is not always truth. People use computer tricks to change pictures. That they are meant to play with you to make you think that product is worth buying. Be clear that it isn't how things really are, or even should be.

Your child is amazing. They know they are, otherwise they wouldn't think that the world revolved around them (because it CLEARLY does)! All you have to do is let that feeling grow. Not by thinking you can create it yourself, but by protecting their gift of self by keeping yourself and the rest of the world from ruining it.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon October 9 with all the carnival links.)

• Why I Walk Around Naked — Meegs at A New Day talks about how she embraces her own body so that her daughter might embrace hers.
• What I Am Is Not Who I Am — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses her views on the importance of modeling WHO she is for her daughter and not WHAT she sees in the mirror.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Verbs vs. Adjectives — Alisha at Cinnamon & Sassafras tries hard to compliment what her son does, not who he is.
• The Naked Family — Sam at Love Parenting talks about how nudity and bodily functions are approached in her home.
• How She'll See Herself — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis discusses some of the challenges of raising a daughter in our culture and how she's hoping to overcome them.
• Self Esteem and all it's pretty analogies — Musings from Laura at Pug in the Kitchen on what she learned about self-esteem in her own life and how it applies to her parenting.
• Beautiful — Tree at Mom Grooves writes about giving her daughter the wisdom to appreciate her body and how trying to be a role model taught Tree how to appreciate her own.
• Do As I Say, Not As I Do: Nurturing A Healthy Body Image — Christy at Eco Journey in the Burbs is changing perceptions about her body so that she may model living life with a positive, healthy body image for her three young daughters.
• Some{BODY} to Love — Kate Wicker has faced her own inner demons when it comes to a poor body image and even a clinical eating disorder, and now she wants to help her daughters to be strong in a world that constantly puts girls at risk for losing their true selves. This is Kate's love letter to her daughters reminding them to not only accept their bodies but to accept themselves as well in every changing season of life.
• They Make Creams For That, You Know — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about celebrating her natural beauty traits, especially the ones she passed onto her children.
• New Shoes for Mama — Kellie of Our Mindful Life, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, is getting some new shoes, even though she is all grown up…
• Raising boys with bodily integrity — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants her boys to understand their own bodily autonomy — so they'll respect their own and others'.
• Sowing seeds of self-love in our children — After struggling to love herself despite growing up in a loving family, Shonnie at Heart-Led Parenting has suggestions for parents who truly want to nurture their children's self-esteem.
• Subtle Ways to Build a Healthy Self-Image — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM discusses the little things she and her husband do every day to help their daughter cultivate a healthy self-image.
• On Barbie and Baby Bikinis: The Sexualization of Young Girls — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger finds it difficult to keep out the influx of messages aimed at her young daughters that being sexy is important.
• Undistorted — Focusing on the beauty and goodness that her children hold, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children watches them grow, loved and undistorted.
• Off The Hook — Arpita at Up, Down and Natural sheds light on the journey of infertility, and how the inability to get pregnant and stay pregnant takes a toll on self image…only if you let it. And that sometimes, it feels fantastic to just let yourself off the hook.
• Going Beyond Being An Example — Becky at Old New Legacy discusses three suggestions on instilling healthy body image: positivity, family dinners, and productivity.
• Raising a Confident Kid — aNonymous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways she's trying to raise a confident daughter and to instil a healthy attitude to appearance and self-image.
• Instilling a Healthy Self Image — Laura at This Mama's Madness hopes to promote a healthy self-image in her kids by treating herself and others with respect, honesty, and grace.
• Stories of our Uniqueness — Casey at Sesame Seed Designs looks for a connection to the past and celebrates the stories our bodies can tell about the present.
• Helping My Boy Build a Healthy Body Image — Lyndsay at ourfeminist{play}school offers readers a collection of tips and activities that she uses in her journey to helping her 3-year-old son shape a healthy body image.
• Eat with Joy and Thankfulness: A Letter to my Daughters about Food — Megan at The Boho Mama writes a letter to her daughters about body image and healthy attitudes towards food.
• Helping Our Children Have Healthy Body Images — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares information about body image, and her now-adult daughter tells how she kept a healthy body image through years of ballet and competitive figure skating.
• Namaste — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how at barely 6 years old, her daughter has begun to say, "I'm not beautiful." And while it's hard to listen to, she also sees it as a sign her daughter is building her self-image in a grassroots kind of way.
• 3 Activities to Help Instill a Healthy Self-Image in Your Child — Explore the changing ideals of beauty, create positive affirmations, and design a self-image awareness collage. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares these 3 ideas + a pretty affirmation graphic you can print and slip in your child's lunchbox.
• Beautiful, Inside and Out — It took a case of adult-onset acne for Kat of MomeeeZen to find out her parenting efforts have resulted in a daughter that is truly beautiful, inside and out.
• Mirroring Positive Self Image for Toddlers — Shannon at GrowingSlower reflects on encouraging positive self image in even the youngest members of the family.
• How I hope to instill a healthy body image in my two girls — Raising daughters with healthy body image in today's society is no small task, but Xela at The Happy Hippie Homemaker shares how choosing our words carefully and being an example can help our children learn to love their bodies.
• Self Image has to Come from Within — Momma Jorje shares all of the little things she does to encourage healthy attitudes in her children, but realizes she can't give them their self images.
• Protecting the Gift — JW from True Confessions of a Real Mommy wants you to stop thinking you need to boost your child up: they think they are wonderful all on their own.
• Learning to Love Myself, for my Daughter — Michelle at Ramblings of Mitzy addresses her own poor self-image.
• Nurturing An Innate Sense of Self — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting shares her efforts to preserve the confidence and healthy sense of self they were born with.
• Don't You Love Me, Mommy?: Instilling Self-Esteem in Young Children After New Siblings Arrive — Jade at Seeing Through Jade Glass But Dimly hopes that her daughter will learn to value herself as an individual rather than just Momma's baby
• Exercising is FUN — Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work talks about modeling for her children that exercising is FUN and good for body and soul.
• Poor Little Chicken — Kenna at A Million Tiny Things gets her feathers ruffled over her daughter's clothing anxiety.
• Loving the skin she's in — Mama Pie at Downside Up and Outside In struggles with her little berry's choice not to celebrate herself and her heritage.

Wordless Wednesday: August 29th, 2012 Aquarium!That'

That's right. HoboMama gets to hang out with L3.

I can't get over how long his legs are. He is WAY TOO BIG.

Beyond the Farm

Welcome to the August 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Farmer's Markets
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about something new they've learned about their local farmers.

Farmer's markets are some of our favorite places to visit. My calendar is marked Wednesday through Sunday with local markets. We have always gone with our children and found great things to eat. Our boys love picking out honey, berries, apples, sugar snap peas, and all kinds of deliciousness.

Some market peaches I canned with vanilla. Mmm.

But, did you know there is more than food at most farmer's markets? Artisans, crafters, and musicians! The newest goal my boys have is to SMELL the farmer's market. They target the soap makers. We had a wonderful experience with the gal from Snohomish Soap Company. L1 saw her basket of travel size bars and wanted to smell. He very politely pointed to each one and asked me if he could smell. The vendor was very polite and didn't take long to pick up that HE was the customer and treated as such. When he made it though the whole basket, he chose one called Milk and Honey, paid his dollar, put it in his hand basket and ran off to show everyone what he bought. 

And this wasn't the end of it. He showed L2 and they shared. Then, at the next market we went to (you know, because two in one week is normal, right?) they didn't head straight for the honey sticks or blueberries. They wanted to find the smelly soaps. And they did; they found Cedar Mountain Botanicals. Again, a great experience where they talked to the vendors, introduced themselves, and did what they could to help my boys really have a good experience.

Food is easy to love. Sweet treats and bright foods; those things were easy to get my family interested in what the market had to offer. Now I am glad to see there is still more for us to explore and love. More great, local people to get to know and ways to keep our money supporting our community.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon August 14 with all the carnival links.)

10 Simple Ways to Make the Farmer's Market More Fun for Kids — Lorie at Reading Confetti shares ideas and books to help kids get the most from the farmers market experience.

10 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter About The Importance of Shopping at the Farmer’s Market — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares the ten lessons she hopes to impart to her daughter about the importance of shopping at local farmers markets.

Charmed by Two Small Town Markets — Shannon at GrowingSlower was charmed by two small-town farmers markets while on vacation.

The Olympia Farmer's Market (and a giveaway!) — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes and family took a trip to their state capitol to experience a new market. See what they saw, and enter to win a book written about that very market.

— Exploring the farmers market by Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy writing at Natural Parents Network — with a scavenger hunt!

Exploring the Market ... Alphabet Style — That Mama Gretchen is in the midst of creating a learning tool for her toddler and it's all about the market!

Unschooling at the Farmers Market — Megz at Aspen Mama loves building memories as a vendor at the Market.

Montessori-Inspired Vegetable Unit — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares links to Montessori-inspired vegetable printables and activities to help your family get the most out of a trip to the farmer’s market.

Markets — How sustainable mum has fitted a monthly farmers market into a weekly food shop.

The Farmers Market In Under An Hour ("Carl Style") — Andrea and family at Tales of Goodness adapt their farmers marketing approach to make everyone happy.

Tales Of a Troubled Gardener — Sam at Love Parenting writes about her dream of self-sufficiency and her lack of gardening skills!

A Few {Of The Many} Reasons Why I Love Our Farmer’s Market — Even though the experience can sometimes be less than peaceful, MomeeeZen shares why she enjoys taking her family to the Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings.

Experiencing the Farmer's Market from a Different Perspective — Emily at S.A.H.M. i AM had a great time letting her toddler lead the way at the farmer's market...

Ask A Farmer's Daughter — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter answers questions about her life growing up on a small family farm in New England.

Giving Up the Grocery Store — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her family's summertime challenge to eliminate trips to the grocery store and rely almost exclusively on local, farm-fresh foods.

Urban farming and fresh food in the city — Lauren at Hobo Mama takes trips to farms, gardens, and markets within reach of a big city.

Market Tip: Get to Know Your Farmers — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger finally gets up the guts to talk to her farmers and learns she is among ardent food lovers.

New Farmer's Market Find — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is excited to make a new find at her new farmers market.

"The Real World" Grassroots Edition — jessica at instead of institution takes some time out to write a love note.

9 Insider Tips for Farmer's Market Newbies — Dionna at Code Name: Mama chatted with a few farmers to bring you some insider information on how to get the most out of your local farmer's market.

The Place Where I Can Say "Yes!" — Erica at ChildOrganics gives you a tour of her favorite vendors at her local farmers market and discusses the benefits of creating community through the market.

Raw Local Milk — Jorje shares her family's field trip to a local dairy. Learn what you can appreciate from a small town farm at Momma Jorje.com.

Italian Secret Vegetable Soup Recipe — Alinka at Baby Web convinces an Italian Farmer & Cook to reveal a precious minestrone recipe and shares it with her readers.

Where do our eggs come from? A visit to Sucellus Farms. — Carli at One Fit Mom takes her family to meet the chickens that have been providing their daily eggs.

Beyond the Farm — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy and her family enjoy looking beyond the food at the local farmer's market to see the wares of the over vendors.

Magic at the Market — Do you ever take time to really look at the food you eat? Amy at Anktangle enjoys marveling at the beauty (and the utility) of the foods and goods available at the farmers' market.

Farmer's Market Discoveries — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen reminisces about the discoveries she's made at the Farmer's Market throughout the years.

Are You Getting the Most out of Your Farmers' Market? (My List of Not-So-Common "Musts") — Sheila at A Living Family shares some uncommon ways to squeeze even more joy and connection (and yumminess!) from your local farmers' market experience.

Pick Your Own And Eat It — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares their trip to a PYO farm and the journey from picking to eating her favourite food