A Love You Can Depend On

Welcome to the January 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: The More Things Stay the Same

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about the continuity and constancy in their lives. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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"You can't love someone for what they look like, something they do, or who they are. Because all of those things can change, at any time. If you love someone, love them. That's it. Just them, for them, and nothing else."

One of the best pieces of life wisdom I was ever told, and I can't even remember who it was that said it. When I started to write this post, I was going to write about the constant that is the love I have and receive from my husband. As the words came flowing out, I realized that that idea of unconditional love was also everything I have for my children.

We can't love them for their sweet breath,
eventually they will forget to brush their teeth.
But, it can make our hearts glow to see their happiness and smiles.
We can't love them for their tiny toes,
for eventually we will quietly (or not so quietly) lament how fast they outgrow their shoes.
The love you show them helps them grow.
Their sweet "Mommy/Daddy" won't always be a gleeful exclamation,
But, we can always be ready to show them we are glad for their attention.
One day the world's troubles won't be solved with some nursies and snuggles,
That doesn't mean we won't offer a warm drink and a hug.
We can't forget our love for them when they refuse to bring a coat.
Or even when they say they don't love us.
We can love and love and love, because it is not their actions, faces, or who they are that we love.
We just love them.




And, because "in my van, it is all Rush, all the time!" I can't finish this post without sharing that this is what was stuck in my head every time someone mentioned this carnival topic. (And if you know the origin of that quote, we should really be friends.)

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Always an Artist — Some kids take longer than others to come into themselves, so you have to stick with them, as a parent, long after everyone else has given up, writes Douglas at Friendly Encounters.
• Not Losing Yourself as a First Time Mom — Katie at All Natural Katie continues to stay true to herself after becoming a new mom.
• Using Continuity to Help Change {Carnival of Natural Parenting} — Meegs from A New Day talks about how she is using continuity in certain areas of her life to help promote change and growth in others.
• Staying the Same : Security — Life changes all the time with growing children but Mother Goutte realised that there are other ways to 'stay the same' and feel secure, maybe a bit too much so!
• Harmony is What I'm After — Tribal Mama gushes about how constant change is really staying the same and staying the same brings powerful change.
• A Primal Need For Order and Predictability – And How I Let That Go — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she overcame her primal need for order and predictability once her awareness shifted, opening her eyes to the impact this had on her young daughter. Take a short journey with Jennifer and she bares her soul, exposes her weaknesses and celebrates her new outlook and approach to living life, even in the face of total chaos.
• Breastfeeding Before and After — Breastfeeding has come and gone, but Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow finds that her relationship with her son is still just the same and just as good.
• A Real Job — Back in high school That Mama Gretchen had a simple, but worthwhile career aspiration and today she is living her dream … is it what you think?
• Comforting — sustainablemum never thought she would want things always being the same, but she explains why it is exactly what her family wants and needs.
• 'The Other Mums' and The Great Illusion — Marija Smits reflects on the 'great big magic show of life' and wonders if it will continue to remain a constant in our lives.
• Unschooling: Learning doesn't change when a child turns four — Charlotte at Winegums & Watermelons talks about the pressure of home education when everyone else's children are starting school.
• Finding Priorities in Changing Environments — Moving from Maine to a rural Alaskan island for her husband's military service, Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work found that keeping consistent with her priorities in changing environments can take some work, but is vital to continuous health and happiness.
• Keeping it "Normal" — Kellie at Our Mindful Life has moved several times in the last two years, while doing her best to keep things stable for her kids.
• The Evolution Of Our Homeschool Journey — Angela at Earth Mama's World reflects on her homeschooling journey. Homeschooling is a constant in the life of her family but the way in which they learn has been an evolution.
• Sneaking in Snuggles: Using Nurturing Touch with Older Children — When Dionna at Code Name: Mama's son was a toddler and preschooler, he was the most loving, affectionate kiddo ever. But during the course of his 5th year, he drastically reduced how often he showed affection. Dionna shares how she is mindfully nurturing moments of affection with her son.
• Steady State — Zoie at TouchstoneZ writes a letter to her partner about his constancy through the rough sailing of parenting.
• A Love You Can Depend On — Over at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, Jennifer has a sweet little poem reminding us where unconditional love really lies, so it can remain a constant for us and our children.
• Same S#!*, Different Day — Struggling against the medical current can certainly get exhausting, especially as the hunt for answers drags on like it has for Jorje of Momma Jorje.
• New Year, Still Me — Mommy Bee at Little Green Giraffe writes about how a year of change helped her rediscover something inside herself that had been the same all along.
• One Little Word for 2014 — Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs has decided to focus on making things this year, which is what she is loves, as long as she doesn't kill herself in the process.
• The Beauty of Using Montessori Principles of Freedom and Consistency — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares the continuity of her teaching, parenting, and grandparenting philosophy using a combination of freedom and consistency.
• My Husband's Mini — Crunchy Con Mom shares which of her sons looks more like her husband's baby pictures — and the answer might surprise you!
• Growth Happens When You Aren't Looking — Lori at TEACH through Love is treasuring these fleeting moments of her daughter's early adolescence by embracing the NOW.
• A New Reality Now - Poem — As Luschka from Diary of a First Child struggles to come to terms with the loss of her mother, she shares a simple poem, at a loss for more words to say.
• Making a family bedroom — Lauren at Hobo Mama has decided to be intentional about her family's default cosleeping arrangements and find a way to keep everyone comfortable.
• New Year, Same Constants — Ana at Panda & Ananaso takes a look at some of the things that will stay the same this year as a myriad of other changes come.
• I Support You: Breastfeeding and Society — Despite how many strides we've taken to promote "breast is best," Amy at Natural Parents Network talks about how far we still have to go to normalize breastfeeding in our society.

Sustainable Living: Balancing Price and Ethics

Welcome to the October 2012 Natural Living Blog Carnival: Ethical Shopping Choices This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Natural Living Blog Carnival hosted by Happy Mothering and The Pistachio Project through the Green Moms Network. This month our members have written posts about how they make purchasing choices.

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If you have ever had a chance to check out our meal plans, you know we eat pretty well. What you may not know is that I do it on a pretty limited budget (less than $1 person/meal). So,  I have to constantly make choices that balance values, nutrition, and budget.

Local

Picking blueberries.

We choose to do what we can to first choose local. We live in the Pacific Northwest, so it is easier than many places. I was able to save up a bit over the summer to make a bulk purchase of dry goods that were mostly local and organic through a group. We frequent farmer's markets and a local produce stand where we meet the owners and hope we can trust their answers. Because we get to know our sources, we stand a better chance at getting a better deal.
BUT
Things like rice and pasta fill our bellies for longer periods, and there just isn't a local source for these. If there is, the price difference is so drastic, I can't justify it. My budget isn't just there to help manage our funds, it IS our funds, and when it is gone, that is it. So, if I can feed my family 4 times with imported over once with the local, then so be it.

All from my garden at my mom's house.

Organic/Humane 

Firstly, just to balance between the Local and Organic/Humane categories is tricky.
We purchase produce through a CSA that works with not just local organic sources, but distant ones so we can treat ourselves to things like bananas and oranges.
After that, we just flat out can not afford to buy everything organic. We can't afford to always eat pastured, grass fed, free range, etcetera. But, I feel these are important things. So instead we choose to limit our meat intake, so we can splurge for that amazing grass fed beef roast. I think we only buy it twice a year, and it is a big occasion. I try to attend to the Dirty Dozen but have grace for the Clean Fifteen.



Fair Trade
We drink coffee every day. I think that for something we are going to consume every day, we are especially responsible to make sure it is clean, and sustainable. It took us a little bit to find a way to enjoy this morning ritual frugally as well as sustainably, but it seems to be becoming more common to find.  There have been times when we chose to go without over purchasing less responsible sources.

Our Garden
We work hard to supplement our budget with our own garden. We don't own our home, and only recently moved out of apartment living, so my garden is at my mom's house. I spend the fall preserving all the bounty I can get my hands on. This helps us enormously, and I am so grateful for the help my family is in creating that space and cultivating that.

Digging potatoes.

Doesn't that all sounds so great and idyllic?  It is all how we truly want to be. We do our best to manage it. But honestly: we are only partially there. There were times when groceries are a concern and we are scraping the back of the pantry for something to fill our children's bellies. For us, it all comes down to constantly reminding ourselves that we do not need a constant supply of any particular food, so we can be discernable when we do treat ourselves. If we can't afford to eat humanely raised meat every day then we don't need to be eating meat every day. By focusing on local in season. Choosing our priorities and doing the best we can with what we have. And counting our blessings with every bite we take.

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Visit Happy Mothering and The Pistachio Project to learn more about participating in next month’s Natural Living Blog Carnival! Please take some time to enjoy the posts our other carnival participants have contributed:

Wordless Wednesday July 4th, 2012: Unpacking

Back yard

Creek

First Dinner

Moving in

Boys' Room

First Bath

Front Yard

First time I've been able to hang this outside!

Moving is hard work!

Play Room!

Built for Two

Welcome to the Carnival of Tandem Nursing
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Tandem Nursing hosted by Mommying My Way. Our participants have shared their personal stories of the highs the lows and information on what to expect if tandeming is in your future. Please read to the end of each post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Outside my bubble of breastfeeding, attachment parenting minded friends, most people couldn't understand why I would continue to breast feed my almost 2 year old. When I got pregnant with my second child, a few people thought it would be time for us to wean. My son didn't think so, and neither did I. So, I started reading, readying myself for what I could expect from tandem nursing. It sounded perfect. Feed my new baby, and have a way to still my toddler for a few minutes. I could nurse them both down for naps at the same time! When I was too tired to get up for snacks, I could offer to nurse. It would ease the transition to sibling life and teach them their first lessons of sharing with each other at the breast. For the most part, it was great. And it was all of those things. But, there were a few things i wasn't prepared for that made things difficult for me to continue to tandem nurse. (In fact, we even weaned for a time.) I want to share them, not to scare anyone away from the idea of tandem nursing, but so that you can prepare for it, in case similar issues arise for you.

 My oldest child, L1, is the sweetest little boy. He loves me, and loved to breastfeed. Our first night apart was the night I was in labor with his brother. He was 23 months old. We had started doing bedtimes with daddy so he didn't need to nurse to sleep every night, but had not worked to night wean otherwise. The new baby, L2, was a GOOD sleeper. Not waking most of the night after the first few days. But, L1 was waking frequently to reconnect and nurse. More often than the baby. I was frustrated and tired. So we started using Daddy as the first responder. Daddy would offer cuddles, water, snacks, whatever we could. I made an effort to breastfeed during the day more frequently to make sure he wasn't trying to make up for lost time at the breast at night. Eventually, L1 was able to sleep through the night again. When my third child came, we had learned our lesson and started practicing Daddy at Bedtime. Which was especially helpful to start early enough he was sleeping through the night by the time the baby came and my husband started working nights.

The other issue I came up against was the distinct fear and overwhelming feeling that I was not safe when I tandem nursed them at the same time. I have always had some issues with confined spaces, and being "trapped" under two children was difficult. What I was able to discern was some primal need to be alert, to be able to defend my children at a moments notice. How could I do this when I was so EXPOSED and weighed down? I could generally get past this feeling by limiting these moments to spaces I felt secure and relaxed. Mostly at home in our bed. Also at the house where I nannied, so I could get all three children to nap at the same time. For some reason, because the prospect of a few minutes of all of them sleeping at once was so enticing, I could manage it. Finding that space to feel relaxed helped us continue to have that special time together.

 The last issue I needed to address wasn't so much a problem with my first two children, but with my newest addition. We had weaned for the last part of my pregnancy, then had a hard time establishing breastfeeding, prolonging our temporary weaning until things were better. By then, I was breastfeeding my new baby, had taken on pumping milk to donate to another mother and baby, and my middle child was interested in unweaning. It has been a lesson for us all about sharing, self-care, and patience. Working to teach a more sensitive child to wait while the baby eats is not an easy task. Especially when your toddler thwarts your attempts at distraction with offers of flavored milk with a sad face "Nursies are better than ice cream milk!" I think things have gone pretty well as long as I keep communicating "First sister gets nursies, then I will pump for Baby Buddha, then you can have nursies. BUT, you can sit with me and help."

Through all of that: I would do it all again. Maybe even better. I believe in tandem nursing, if that is what works for you and your baby.
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• My Tandem Nursing Journey: Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy is sharing her tandem nursing journey so far...
• Built for Two: No matter how much you read and plan, things may not always go as you expect. A few things that Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy wished she knew when she was planning to tandem feed her toddler and newborn.
• Tandem Nursing - Magic Cure?: Jorje of Momma Jorje had high expectations of tandem nursing easing her toddler daughter's transition from being the baby to being a big sister.
• Mutually Desirable - Navigating a Tandem Nursing Experience: Amy Willa at www.amywilla.com talks about limit setting and meditations that help her navigate an intense tandem nursing experience.
• My Adventure in Tandem Nursing: Alicia at Lactation Narration tells her story of nursing her daughter through pregnancy and then tandem nursing.
• 4 months in: the good/hard: Becca at Exile Fertility writes about the joys and struggles of having two nurslings 17 months apart.
• Tandem Nursing: One at a Time: When tandem nursing resulted in a nursing aversion, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children looked for ways to meet everyone's needs.
• Why Nurse a 4 Year Old?: One of the questions Dionna at Code Name: Mama keeps getting is, "but why breastfeed a four year old? What are the benefits?" Today she answers that question.
• My Hurt Feelings: Shannon at The Artful Mama shares how her first son reacted to nursing after the birth of his brother and the gift she received the last time he nursed.
• Carnival of Tandem Nursing: A Letter To Myself 7 Years Ago: Dulce de leche shares the advice and reassurance that she would have given to herself if she could go back in time.
• Nursing Both My Babies: Cassie at There’s a Pickle in my Life shares her experience with nursing and transitioning into tandem nursing. She also gives tips for struggles.
• Our Tandem Nursing Journey: Kim at Life-is-Learning describes her journey into tandem nursing and why it is important to her.
• Based on her own experience, Lauren at Hobo Mama dishes about the benefits and downsides to nursing multiple children.

Fix-It Up Friday: January 13th, 2012

Well, the two weeks are up! And... there is room for improvement. There were a few challenges I didn't take into account when I made my schedule.

• My husband is asleep during the day. This limits my access to the bedroom. Also to our bathroom. And the laundry.
• I am a busy girl! Play dates, story times, field trips, grocery runs, lunch plans. So no time to do chores during the day. It wouldn't be any big deal, except: after going out with three kids I am ready to come home, get dinner ready and get reconnected in hopes of a smooth transition to dinner and bedtime. And after bedtime is when L3 settles in for some major nursing, so nothing gets done then either.

Luckily, Mike has taken up getting home in the wee hours of the morning and doing a run through of the living and playrooms, as well as loading the dishwasher and starting our oatmeal in the crock pot. This helps immensely. 

So, aside from the Daily Tasks that we really can't put off, I reorganized tasks into 3 days. 

See it here.

Nothing much more to say aside from: we'll have to see how this one goes.

How do you manage to keep up at home on the days when you are gone? I am trying to remember how I managed my home when I worked full time!

Fix-It Up Friday: January 6th, 2012

So, I am not big on the title of this series. I am going to need to find something different for it. But, for now...

My weekly house blessing used to be GREAT. My husband and I could get the house CLEAN and ready for the week in one day, working together. I loved it. It set us all up for an easier time during the week. I didn't have to gather the energy to clean and be with my boys every day, I could keep the attention where it should be: on my boys!

With all the changes around here: new work schedule and new baby; that plan isn't working anymore.

So, for the first few weeks of this year, I will be testing a few systems for keeping our home and family happy, at least somewhat organized, in clean clothes, and with limited mess. I will test each method for a minimum of two weeks. Here is a screenshot of my first:

You can also look at it directly here (click the Folder tab to organize it by day), but please don't change anything!

I also intend to clear up our home from clutter in a more general sense, and I think this Declutter and Organizing Calender is the way to go.

As you can see, I started this plan on Sunday. I wanted to be able to tell you how it is going so far!

I feel really good about the list. The daily jobs are basic, and the weekly ones are separated out so I can complete them in very little time. I did slack on it on the days we were gone, so I might have to rethink our "weekend" days, since we do normally spend them out of the house and I don't have time to get the weekly jobs done then.

Stay tuned for next week to see if I keep this system, what adjustments I might make, or if I have found a new schedule to try. How do you keep up with household duties? Please share your thoughts and your system!

Tell All Tuesday: January 3rd, 2012

It has been a full end of the year around here. There have been highs and lows of course.

L3 arrived TWO WEEKS EARLY. And being that we expected her to come later (L2 was a week "late") we weren't totally prepared. The Christmas tree had only gone up the day before labor started!

Breastfeeding did not kick off easily or right away like it had in the past. It took us almost a week to work out her latch issues. I even had cracked nipples! After never having breastfeeding issues, this was really frustrating!

Then there was a period of concern about L3's weight gain. She was still -5oz from her birth weight a week later (even without IV fluids in labor.) But she solved that one with the development of her latch and my SUPERMILK! She went on to gain 14oz the next week!

I had intended to allow for the exploration of un-weaning L2 after my milk came in. He has breastfed a few times, but mostly I put him off and save it for the times that NOTHING ELSE WORKS. So, I am confessing I am not the all accepting, tandem nursing mom I was able to be for L1. I feel pretty guilty about that, but also realize that L2's needs are different than L1's were. Otherwise he would be requesting more, right?

On the potty bowl!

I wanted to try to practice Elimination Communication from the beginning with L3. I settled for watching for her cues and trying not to let a dirty diaper sit. Not that she would allow that. She was clear when she needed a dry diaper. We have started up though, and I hope to manage more as we go on.

Something that has been different from this pregnancy from the last ones was the weight gain. I had always finished off down when all is said and done. This time I am not. I am back in my "comfy" jeans, but not back to size. Granted it has only been 4 weeks, I lost so much weigh between pregnancies, and I am ready to head back to Zumba and watching our diet more closely (the last month being mostly comfort foods, junk, candy, and take out) so I don't expect it to take long to feel fit again. I am actually surprised I care about my weight this way, and want to work on focusing the frustration on feeling fit and able to keep up with my children over fitting into certain sizes.

We have NOT kept up with our weekly house blessing. With Mike moving to graveyard and my being to uncomfortable and tired to keep up myself, we slacked. So now we need to find a way to make it work with a new baby and Mike on graveyard. Stay tuned for more on that!

Happy New Year!

The New Year is here, and it is time to get back on the ball! This week will welcome the return of Meal Plan Monday, Tell All Tuesday, and Wordless Wednesday. It is also time to revamp our House Blessing. With changed schedules (hubby working graveyard) and the arrival of Little Three, we need to find a new method of keeping up on things around the house. I haven't yet decided how to run that segment, so for now we'll just call it Fix-It Up Friday. Because I'm a little lame and like to keep up my lame Daily Theme. But, you love me, so it works out. Right?

L3: New World: New Year!

What kind of Resolutions are you making this year, if any?

Birth Story for L3: 2nd Homebirth after Cesarean

Today is L3's 2 week birthday. It is also her "due date". So, it is about time I get the story down. There are some pictures, but nothing graphic (no genitals or nipples, but bare belly and breastfeeding baby). From beginning to baby took about 25 hours, 13 hours less than L2's birth.


Ever have that dream where you are going to the bathroom, only to wake to hoping you were just dreaming and can make it to the bathroom in time? December 4th, 2011, Sunday morning, I woke to that, only instead of an urge to pee it was a pop and a gush. I wouldn't be making it to the bathroom, my water had just broke.

So I waddled to the bedroom door, seeing that it was about 3:30am, and wondered where my husband was. He should have been home from work about an hour earlier. I loudly whispered his name (he had been reading on the couch) and told him the news. He was surprised, to say the least.

I got to the bathroom, while Mike called our midwife, Dr Brandy, and doula (also our midwife's assistant), Megan. At this point, what is happening hits me, and I completely break down in a panic attack. My birth of L1 started with my water breaking, and it did not go well from there. It took my husband, and phone conversations with my birth team to calm me down, and put us back on track for our plans of a homebirth. Since we weren't having any contractions, everyone stayed home to wait and see how things played out.

Since my boys were still asleep in our bed (and the wet spot I created in my spot at the foot of the bed), and Mike hadn't even been to bed yet, we set up in the living room to get some sleep. Only, my contractions started about an hour later. And got stronger.

We had intended to send the boys and roommates to my brother's to wait. But when they decided to wake up at 5:30am I called my mom to come get them. I knew there was no way I could keep myself calm and focused with kiddos who had woken up too early. So, we kicked everyone out by 8 or 9am.

Mike and I spent the day resting in our "nest", watching the second season of the original series of Star Trek, taking walks, and just being together. My contractions were very uneven, though were pretty strong. All day we played that game. Sleep, snack, Star Trek.

At 5ish, I was getting uncomfortable and decided to get into the tub. Everyone (myself included) thought that my baby would wait for nighttime to arrive. But instead of resting, my contractions became stronger. I breathed and moaned though them, in the glow of our Christmas lights, with Christmas music playing. I remember at one point thinking it was taking forever, and a non-Christmas song came on. The lyrics to the song were EXACTLY what I needed to hear (really, listen to it).

I bawled my eyes out. We were in gear and really progressing. We called Megan to come over. I got out of the tub needing to use the bathroom. And the contractions stopped.

Damn.

So again, we rested, we snacked, we walked (not pleasant at all: 20 degrees and throwing up on the stairs), we listened to Christmas music and basked in the glow of our lights.  Déjà vu all over again. Megan told my husband to sleep, me to relax in the birth tub, and she made herself scarce (My doula is rad like that. She knows when to kick my ass into gear, when I need encouraging, and when to just leave me alone. Check her out if you want an awesome doula). With everyone otherwise occupied I started having good, steady contractions again. The birth tub got cold, so I moved to our shower. 

I decided to check myself at that point. I was beginning to loose some of my hope, and was hoping to find myself decently dilated, which I was. I still felt a bit of a lip though. So, as Mike dozed while sitting on the toilet (just as a seat), I labored in the shower. There came a point where I started feeling like pushing, but was worried it wasn't really time. So, I pushed a little. Then a little more. I didn't tell anyone I was pushing, I had a fear they would tell me to stop. When I realized I couldn't stop pushing, I woke up Mike and told him to get Megan. When she saw there was no access to my bathroom, she encouraged me to try to get to the bed.

I made it out of the tub and to the toilet. Then I realized if I stayed much longer, I was going to have a baby in the toilet. So, I moved again. About 3 steps. Then I announced I couldn't go further and needed to push, even though I wasn't sure I was complete enough. Must have been though, because I squat down (right at the edge of the bathroom linoleum) and pushed. Good thing Megan keeps medical gloves in her pocket, and the chux pads were in arms reach of Mike. Out came baby in just a couple of pushes! I reached down, lifted the baby to my chest, and fell back into Mike's arms. After a few moments of rubbing baby down to get some response, we took a look and saw we had a GIRL! Really. I checked repeatedly over the next few days, that is how surprised I am. 

After delivering the placenta, exploring the system that nourished my little girl (cord that went FOREVER, twice around her neck, and around her body, between her legs), attempting to initiate breastfeeding (she wasn't interested yet), and the arrival of my midwife (because I didn't mention how far along I thought I was, no one knew to call her sooner. Sorry Dr. B!), we shifted to the bed to snuggle for a bit before cutting the cord, checking for tears, and doing her newborn check. She was 7lbs 6oz, 19in. All healthy, no stitches needed, and we were bundled up for the best part: the first nap, snuggled in my bed, with my husband and beautiful new baby girl.

Itty Bitty baby butt, huge  boob. 

Wordless Wednesday December 7th, 2011: Little Three is HERE!

Labor Nest

See L3's birth story here.

Wordless Wednesday October 19th, 2011: Leaf Walk!

THIS is what makes living in the northwest easier through the long, gray, dreary winter!

Weekly House Blessing (otherwise known as: Cleaning Once a Week!)

I have never been too concerned about keeping things tidy. But, with two kids I had to figure out a way to keep up with it all. So I turned to Fly Lady and it was great. Every morning I got up, got us dressed, started a load of laundry, fed everyone breakfast, and went about our day. I had dinner planned every day. It went smoothly, but then we moved things changed and now I am pregnant with Little Three. Everything just got away from me. I have had to change and adapt the routines to work for our family. So now we focus on the Weekly House Blessing.

I still meal plan every week, it REALLY does save us a TON of money. I plan 8 or so meals and just pick and choose through the week. This keeps me from feeling trapped in my plan, allows for adaptation of schedules, and if I am behind on getting to the store I have a spare meal. With food sensitivities and a vegetarian in our house, meal planning can be daunting. For the most part we have some trusted favorites and mix in something new when we can. I am thinking of starting to share our meal plans, if anyone wants to see.

The second part is the house itself. There are chores to be done. Sure, vacuuming might need to be done more than once a week. But having the whole house clean at once seems to make it easier to keep up with. Oh, and I can live with the toilet not getting scrubbed daily, the floor mopped regularly, or even the bed being changed weekly (We shower/bathe at night, so as long as there are no accidents of course!) so my list may not be exactly how you want your house to be. But, this post is all about how we adapted for our family's needs and expectations, do the same for yours!

Ok, the list. During our House Blessing we find something to occupy the kids (sometimes they help, but I mostly keep this for during the week when there is more time) be that art, toys, or usually ends up being a movie. I have a list of tasks, labeled for the estimated time it takes to complete the task. Then I break them up between my husband and myself based on time and our abilities to effectively complete the job. These days I get the "handicap" for the baby belly making getting down and scrubbing difficult.

Make meal plan ~ 1 hour (Sometimes. This includes finding recipes, and making a grocery list)

Bathroom
Weekly

• Wipe Mirrors/Sinks ~ 10min
• Wipe Cabinet Fronts ~ 5min
• Sweep/Mop Floor ~10min

Every Other Week:

• Scrub Toilet ~ 5min
• Scrub Tub ~ 15min

Kitchen
Weekly:

• Empty Dishwasher ~10min
• Fill Dishwasher ~ 15min
• Wipe Counters ~ 10min
• Wipe Cabinet Fronts ~5min
• Sweep/Mop Floor ~10min

Once a Month:

• Clean Microwave ~ 10min

Living/Play Rooms
Weekly

• Pick up Living room ~ 15min
• Pick up Playroom ~ 15min
• Vacuum Living/Playroom ~10min

Bedroom
Weekly:

• Clean Closet ~ 15min
• Pick up Bedroom ~ 15min
• Vacuum Bedroom ~ 5min

Monthly:

• Change Bedding ~ 20min (King, Toddler, Crib)

Laundry

• Switch Laundry ~ 5min
• Fold/Hang Laundry ~ 15min
• REPEAT

In case you weren't counting that is just under 3 1/2 hours of work, and it is divided by the two of us so it takes just under 2 hours (not including Meal Plan, I do that after bedtime). It seems like a lot, but it makes our whole week flow better. It has really helped me to have a clean space to be in. Every week it seems to take less time as we get better at the chores too. 

Do you have a clean routine? 

Tell All Tuesday September 6th, 2011

Pregnancy is hard.

Nursing a toddler is hard.

Keeping up with an almost 4yo is hard.

Crying everyday is not normal.

Sometimes you have to ask for help.




I am glad I realized that I was having some problems dealing with my moods, recognizing some troubling behaviors from a time when I was dealing with depressive episodes. (I never went for a diagnosis for depression, but took some classes that helped me move past my past a bit and learn to focus and manage myself a little better.)

I asked my doula/midwife assistant friend if there was such a thing as prenatal depression. I mean, Wikipedia doesn't know about it if there is! She said yes and sent me off to my naturopathic midwife.

Our course of action has been to see if addressing some possible deficiencies could be a culprit. I now take some supplements for Vitamin D, B6, and Omega 3 fish oil (something you should discuss with your care provider). Within a week I could feel things changing. I don't cry everyday. I have a *little* more patience. I could ask my friends and family to help me, without feeling so ashamed. They are my lifesavers.

This Tell All Tuesday was hard to write. No one likes to share that they don't have everything under control, or are having a hard time. But, I can personally tell you that sharing my problems has been a good thing, and I want others to know that they are not alone. If you are constantly at a loss for why you feel "this way," out of control, not managing yourself well, please speak up. There is always someone who cares, and there may be things that can help.

Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety during Pregnancy:

1. Extreme fatigue combined with excessive sadness and crying.
2. Extreme agitation and/or mood swings.
3. Compulsive eating or inability to eat.
4. Inability to enjoy the things that you used to enjoy before pregnancy.
5. Disturbed sleep patterns, such as the need to sleep all the time or insomnia (neither being related to pregnancy).
6. Panic attacks.
7. Obsessive behaviors/irrational thought processes.

For more information on prenatal depression:
http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/health_wellness/energy_emotions/article/depression-pregnancy

http://www.thecradle.com/depressionduringpregnancy

http://pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com/pregnancy/baby/Breaking-the-silence-on-prenatal-depression-116.htm

So much for plans!

You know how well thought out, and hopeful that last post was? I just wanted everyone to know: it didn't happen. Nope. Not a bit. I was lucky to have a friend come lend a hand...well, actually she came and did it all really. Though, in a house full of people, that doesn't last long. I am trying every idea thrown at me to control the nausea, but I have mostly just resigned myself to this and hope it will end with my first trimester: 2 more weeks. I don't need any sympathy about it. Just to share that it didn't work out, I am moving on, looking forward, and know eventually it will all be better, and a sweet new babe to help me forget.

Getting on the Ball!

Remember how I was talking about sharing our shortcomings? Here is where I do just that. I'm not looking for sympathy. Just to be authentic about where I am, and where I hope to go from here. 

If you haven't heard yet (which would surprise me!) we are expecting Little Three! Due about Christmas time, we are still pretty early into the pregnancy. That  said, I already feel my shortcomings in my parenting because of the constant nausea. I am lucky not not be the kind of woman who is puking all the time, but I still feel like doing it all the time! (For the record: We won't find out the sex, we are not hoping one sex or another, we are planning our second HBAC, yes I am still nursing L2 and very occasionally L1, we still all co-sleep and don't have a plan for changing that.)

I think I have realized (here comes a "duh" moment) my kids don't like to just sit and watch movies all the time.  After being so good about going screen free, they no longer are entertained by it like they used to. The more I try to just lay here, the more they jump on me, adding to my nausea.

Also, I have had a few times this week when I couldn't go where I wanted to because I haven't had clean laundry to do wear out of the house. I have barely kept up the keeping our living space picked up.

All this, and I am only at 9 weeks! 9 weeks, and I am concerned about failing. This is going to be a long next 7ish months if I feel that way already. So, I need to make a game plan. Something to just work through, one day at a time.

• Wake up, bathroom, breakfast
• Rest/Read books (I need to move pretty slowly in the mornings right now.)
• Get out first activity box for kids
• Do a load of laundry
• Clean up activity box
• Pick second activity box
• 15 minute timer to clean bathroom
• Make lunch
• Nap/read book/quiet time!
• Have some 1-on-1 time with L1 while L2 naps
• 15 minutes to clear living room/play area
• Put together dinner
• Pack up bags for Zumba (Yup, still going twice a week, and hope to keep it up! After all Zumba Changes Lives!)

That takes the day. It can translate to the next day with few alterations.

The other half of the story. I am so freaking emotional. I cried ONE time in my first pregnancy. None my second. I was all kinds of bitchy. This time, I cry at things I have seen a million times. I am seriously short tempered. I make one or two attempts to redirect my kids before I find myself screaming at them. I don't *think* I am too bitchy, not yet anyways. I am really hoping that by getting the rest of our day worked out, there will be less screaming and arguing. We'll see, right?

I love my family. I love my kids, and can't wait to see how this next baby fits into the picture.

Feel free to share any shortcomings you have had, create a sense of solidarity! No judgments, just respect for where we are in our lives right now!