Boundaries in Breastfeeding

Welcome to the Fabulous Hybrid Blog Carnival. Our topic this summer is BOUNDARIES! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Blog Carnival hosted by The Fabulous Mama Chronicles and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on boundaries in all of its many forms. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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**This post in no way makes judgment on any parenting choices or decisions. Just an explanation of what was needed for me and my breastfeeding relationships to thrive!** 

When I was younger, I saw a woman who practiced full-term breastfeeding; her child was about 2. While it seems many people get squicked out and think "I could never breastfeed a child that old," I saw more. I saw how wonderful it was to the breastfeeding pair to have that available to help keep their connection during a busy event. The only thing I saw was the mother's embarrassment at her child's manner of request: lifting her shirt up, without warning.

This memory served to form some of my earliest thoughts on breastfeeding. I felt bad for her embarrassment, but could see how creating boundaries could help me and my future child enjoy a full term breastfeeding relationship, while honoring my needs at the same time. The World Health Organization calls for breastfeeding for at least 2 years or or more. Le Leche League calls for the relationship to continue for as long as they wish to. For my personal needs, I knew I needed to address my need for bodily autonomy from the very beginning, so I could be better able to meet my children's breastfeeding needs as long as possible.

From the start, we worked to teach methods of communicating that could be used anywhere and anytime. We would teach sign language; we used the sign for milk. My boys picked this up fairly quickly, L3 has other ideas. She hits my breast when she wants to nurse. I love that she is developing a clear sign for her needs, but it isn't one that I feel is respectful. So I do my best to gently take her hand (I usually kiss her fist,) request gentle touches and help her sign milk. When each of them started reaching in my shirt, I would do the same, but including mentioning that this was MY body and I would share, but needed to be asked rather than just being touched without permission.

The bonus lesson to teaching about person body space is also teaching my children that bodies are personal. Theirs as well. It is ours to use and share as we feel comfortable. I want to teach them it is ok to require respect of their space from outside sources.

As your child gets older, it is important for breastfeeding to be mutually agreeable. There are times we need to set respectful limits, so everyone has their needs met.

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Visit Hybrid Rasta Mama and the Fabulous Mama Chronicles to find out how you can participate in the next Fabulous Hybrid Carnival! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants.

• Boundaries For The Attached Parenting Sexual Abuse Survivor - Guggie Daly at The Guggie Daily discusses how to balance the boundaries needed by a sexual abuse survivor with attachment parenting.
• Setting Boundaries With Kids - Amy at Presence Parenting explores why boundaries may be more about us than our kids.
• Limiting Dysfunction - Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles speaks speaks out about the underlying dysfunction in her relationship with her parents and the strategies she’s had to implement to ensure the psychological health of herself and her family.
• My Fence - Jorje shares how and why she she feels the need to be guarded with her family on Momma Jorje.
• How To Set and Enforce Boundaries – Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama offers 6 suggestions on how to more effectively establish and enforce your boundaries, especially with those who blatantly disregard them.
• Boundaries in Breastfeeding - JW of True Confessions of a Real Mommy explores teaching personal space rules to allow a respectful breastfeeding relationship as well as honoring their own body autonomy.
• 3 Steps for Respecting Boundaries While Fulfilling Needs Within a Marriage - Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about three ways her husband and herself protect their own boundaries while still meeting each others needs.
• Establishing Boundaries With A Babymoon - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares how important enforcing a babymoon was to establishing a new parental identity in the face of her in-laws.
• Planting The Seed: Teaching Kids About Healthy Boundaries And Saying No - MomeeeZen recently had to teach her daughter about setting healthy boundaries and about saying "No", even if it's to someone in your family.