Tell All Tuesday October 25th, 2011

Just when I think everything is running smoothly, it all seems to fall apart again. I am frustrated by everything. Nothing is good enough. I don't want to be touched by anyone, and my kids just have no way of understanding no matter how many times I try to explain. I feel like I am being beat up from the inside and out.

While Little Three is overall not as strong in moving, it seems that s/he is always moving about. And does get in a few good kicks here and there. I got one in the ribs and lungs so hard I almost drove off the road it surprised me so badly. Being glad for a nice strong, healthy baby only gets you so far before you just want a break!

When it was just L1, and before L2 was mobile, our DVD and CD collections were never a problem. Now I can't keep them away from them, and it is all a giant mess where they are getting ruined. We put the kid movies up where they can't reach, but they have started watching non-animated movies and now want to explore the whole collection. All the time. We have tried to come up with some options to get them out of the way (we DO want our children to know this house is theirs too and limit the things we have to teach them are off limits in our home) but so far they all involve buying new storage systems (not an option right now).

I want everything to just WORK, you know? I would like to wake up in the morning, rested, make breakfast, move into our day where we can play, read, craft, and everything else without all the grief. But, I am willing to bet that is what everybody wishes, no matter what their life.

I have a lot of apologies to make today. I have yelled and screamed and pushed aside too many times to be ignored (not that any times should be ignored) and I really need to find a way to reset myself and get back to where we were. How do you regain your composure and balance when you know things have gone awry? How do you make amends to the people you love when you know you have acted out?