Have you ever felt overwhelmed when it comes to making the best choices for your family?
With all the hidden dangers lurking in our food supply, water supply, products we use daily, and even just in the environment, more and more parents are choosing to live a simpler, more natural lifestyle. But making the transition is enough to make any parent's head spin. And what about those soon-to-be parents who are just beginning their journey? All the research, websites, and books lead to information overload.
On June 10th 2012, Baby Sean was born. He is truly a miracle baby and both he and his family need our help.
A fellow blogger with the Natural Parents Network shared Baby Sean’s incredible story with us and asked if we could reach out to our friends and fans. Jennifer of Hybrid Rasta Mama is hoping to raise $1,000 over the next several days to help both baby Sean and his family as they face the lofty challenges in front of them.
Please take a moment and read a little about Baby Sean’s journey and needs as shared by Jennifer.
From 2001 until June 2011, I was fortunate enough to have five of the most caring, uplifting, generous and supportive people caring for my grandmother who suffered from dementia. This family literally fell into our lives and because of their selflessness, my grandmother lived 94 wonderful years. Without the care and support she received, I doubt that my daughter would have had the opportunity to spend two years with a great-grandmother who loved her, even when she did not have a clue who she was.
Caroline was my grandmother’s main caretaker but her entire family (husband Tony and their three young children) did everything that my family could not. They bathed her, they cleaned up her bathroom accidents, they fed her nourishing foods, they told her stories, they took her to concerts, they took her camping, they took her to family events, and the list goes on. They lived with her 24 hours per day, 7 days per week with no time off. They embraced her and together, they become an expanded family.
After my grandmother passed away in June 2011, I not only mourned her death but I mourned the loss of my extended family. Although I knew we would keep in touch, it would still be different.
Fast forward to the end of May 2012. Caroline had been experiencing a headache that defied words. She decided to go to the hospital, knowing that something serious was going on. A short while after her arrival, she learned that she was 26 weeks pregnant and in a major health crisis. That headache was the result of preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. Both Caroline and her unborn baby were in serious trouble.
Caroline was put on hospital bed rest where a fabulous team of doctors and nurses did all they could to keep Caroline’s baby where he should be…in his warm, watery womb. Unfortunately, Caroline’s placenta was too thick, her baby was not getting nourishment, and his life was in danger. After his heart kept stopping, Caroline underwent an emergency C-section to save both her baby’s life as well as hers. 15 days after walking into the hospital for a headache, Caroline gave birth to a 1 pound 10 ounce baby boy she and her husband named Sean Feleti Jeremiah Mokofisi.
Baby Sean is a miracle. He is a fighter. And he has a long road ahead of him. However, Baby Sean is already breathing well on his own, a miracle and something pretty rare for a baby only 28 weeks gestational age. He has had some significant health challenges since his birth but has fought through them with the help of a wonderful and talented team of doctors.
Baby Sean is not able to be held or breastfeed but Caroline is pumping milk and the hospital has been very supportive of her through this. They are also open to supplementing with donor milk, knowing how crucial breastmilk is to a premature baby.
Caroline has had some health challenges as she recovers from not only the C-section but the preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. However, she is expected to be released from the hospital soon. Baby Sean is not so fortunate. His stay will be quite lengthy.
This is where YOU come in.
Caroline and her family were already at a financial disadvantage before this incredible journey began. They work hard, they are generous people – giving to those even less fortunate than they are. They give everything they have to care for their children and give them the best life possible. But the economic cards have been stacked against them and the financial impact of such a lengthy and complex hospital stay for both Caroline and Baby Sean will be devastating to them.
Once Caroline is released from the hospital, she will have to travel 45 minutes each direction to see her baby daily. The cost of gasoline is going to make this near impossible. On top of that, Caroline needs to begin preparing for Baby Sean’s arrival home and literally does not have the resources to purchase the most basic of baby supplies let alone some of the special supplies a premature baby with Sean’s health needs might require.
Today we are reaching out to you. Could you donate $1 – just ONE DOLLAR – to help Baby Sean? Your donation will go towards clothes, cloth diapers, a car seat, and other premature baby essentials. In addition, it will help this beautiful family make the daily trip to bond with and bring breastmilk to their precious son.
If you aren’t able to donate, perhaps you know someone who could. In lieu of a donation, we are asking for help in spreading the word.
We know that in these tough economic times, it is difficult to know when to give and what cause deserves our hard earned dollar. This baby needs our help now! Imagine if this was your baby and all you needed was a little financial cushion so you could start your baby’s life out right?
Caroline, Tony, their entire family and Baby Sean are already deeply grateful, humbled, and moved to tears by the mere fact that we are raising funds to assist them in their greatest hour of need. So thank you for your help. It literally will make a world of difference in this family and child’s lives.
HOW TO HELP
To donate to the Help Baby Sean fun, please click the DONATE button below. You will be taken to Paypal where you can donate even if you do not have a Paypal account.
If you prefer, you can purchase a copy of Jennifer’s eBook, Coconut Oil For Your Skin, for $9.95. This increased price will be in effect June 20th and 21st and all sales from those days will go directly to the Help Baby Sean fund. Click the BUY IT NOW coconut below to purchase the eBook.
Together, we WILL be able to help Baby Sean and his family get off to the best start possible. Again, thank you and many, many blessings for your generosity!
Welcome to the Carnival of Tandem Nursing This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Tandem Nursing hosted by Mommying My Way. Our participants have shared their personal stories of the highs the lows and information on what to expect if tandeming is in your future. Please read to the end of each post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Outside my bubble of breastfeeding, attachment parenting minded friends, most people couldn't understand why I would continue to breast feed my almost 2 year old. When I got pregnant with my second child, a few people thought it would be time for us to wean. My son didn't think so, and neither did I.
So, I started reading, readying myself for what I could expect from tandem nursing. It sounded perfect. Feed my new baby, and have a way to still my toddler for a few minutes. I could nurse them both down for naps at the same time! When I was too tired to get up for snacks, I could offer to nurse. It would ease the transition to sibling life and teach them their first lessons of sharing with each other at the breast.
For the most part, it was great. And it was all of those things. But, there were a few things i wasn't prepared for that made things difficult for me to continue to tandem nurse. (In fact, we even weaned for a time.) I want to share them, not to scare anyone away from the idea of tandem nursing, but so that you can prepare for it, in case similar issues arise for you.
My oldest child, L1, is the sweetest little boy. He loves me, and loved to breastfeed. Our first night apart was the night I was in labor with his brother. He was 23 months old. We had started doing bedtimes with daddy so he didn't need to nurse to sleep every night, but had not worked to night wean otherwise. The new baby, L2, was a GOOD sleeper. Not waking most of the night after the first few days. But, L1 was waking frequently to reconnect and nurse. More often than the baby. I was frustrated and tired. So we started using Daddy as the first responder. Daddy would offer cuddles, water, snacks, whatever we could. I made an effort to breastfeed during the day more frequently to make sure he wasn't trying to make up for lost time at the breast at night. Eventually, L1 was able to sleep through the night again. When my third child came, we had learned our lesson and started practicing Daddy at Bedtime. Which was especially helpful to start early enough he was sleeping through the night by the time the baby came and my husband started working nights.
The other issue I came up against was the distinct fear and overwhelming feeling that I was not safe when I tandem nursed them at the same time. I have always had some issues with confined spaces, and being "trapped" under two children was difficult. What I was able to discern was some primal need to be alert, to be able to defend my children at a moments notice. How could I do this when I was so EXPOSED and weighed down? I could generally get past this feeling by limiting these moments to spaces I felt secure and relaxed. Mostly at home in our bed. Also at the house where I nannied, so I could get all three children to nap at the same time. For some reason, because the prospect of a few minutes of all of them sleeping at once was so enticing, I could manage it. Finding that space to feel relaxed helped us continue to have that special time together.
The last issue I needed to address wasn't so much a problem with my first two children, but with my newest addition. We had weaned for the last part of my pregnancy, then had a hard time establishing breastfeeding, prolonging our temporary weaning until things were better. By then, I was breastfeeding my new baby, had taken on pumping milk to donate to another mother and baby, and my middle child was interested in unweaning. It has been a lesson for us all about sharing, self-care, and patience. Working to teach a more sensitive child to wait while the baby eats is not an easy task. Especially when your toddler thwarts your attempts at distraction with offers of flavored milk with a sad face "Nursies are better than ice cream milk!" I think things have gone pretty well as long as I keep communicating "First sister gets nursies, then I will pump for Baby Buddha, then you can have nursies. BUT, you can sit with me and help."
Through all of that: I would do it all again. Maybe even better. I believe in tandem nursing, if that is what works for you and your baby.
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My Tandem Nursing Journey: Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy is sharing her tandem nursing journey so far...
Built for Two: No matter how much you read and plan, things may not always go as you expect. A few things that Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy wished she knew when she was planning to tandem feed her toddler and newborn.
Tandem Nursing - Magic Cure?: Jorje of Momma Jorje had high expectations of tandem nursing easing her toddler daughter's transition from being the baby to being a big sister.
My Adventure in Tandem Nursing: Alicia at Lactation Narration tells her story of nursing her daughter through pregnancy and then tandem nursing.
4 months in: the good/hard: Becca at Exile Fertility writes about the joys and struggles of having two nurslings 17 months apart.
Tandem Nursing: One at a Time: When tandem nursing resulted in a nursing aversion, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children looked for ways to meet everyone's needs.
Why Nurse a 4 Year Old?: One of the questions Dionna at Code Name: Mama keeps getting is, "but why breastfeed a four year old? What are the benefits?" Today she answers that question.
My Hurt Feelings: Shannon at The Artful Mama shares how her first son reacted to nursing after the birth of his brother and the gift she received the last time he nursed.
Nursing Both My Babies: Cassie at There’s a Pickle in my Life shares her experience with nursing and transitioning into tandem nursing. She also gives tips for struggles.
Our Tandem Nursing Journey: Kim at Life-is-Learning describes her journey into tandem nursing and why it is important to her.
Based on her own experience, Lauren at Hobo Mama dishes about the benefits and downsides to nursing multiple children.
There are plenty of conversations going on about the "extreme parenting" idea of attachment parenting. I don't want to talk about the latest article. All that matters is what works for my family. I didn't set out to follow any kind of script with my parenting style. I knew before my children were born that I wanted to have a natural birth. That I wanted to breastfeed. I knew babywearing made things much easier. I had stories of babies sleeping better when in their parents arms. I don't think I learned what Attachment Parenting was until my first child was 5 or 6 months old, and I was trying to find friends with similar ideas.
Moms have tough jobs. Love your kids, love yourself, love your partner, take care of your home, kids, car, job, school, I could go on forever. I know moms of all different styles. I have only seen one bad mom, who abandoned her son for drugs (though, it was likely for the best in the long run for her child when he was placed with a loving family.) I know moms who don't breastfeed, couldn't, use formula, use donated milk, breastfeed for a little while or leave it to their children. Moms who work, go to school, stay home, work from home, work nights, use a nanny, use a day care, trade days with other moms. Some sleep with their kids, others find their family needs separate sleep space. Discipline in a wide range of ways. Still, what matters? What works for us.
So, if someone asks you if you are "Mom Enough," try not to think of it a pitting one style of parenting against another (even if that is what THEY want you to think.) Ask yourself: are you mom enough for your children? Do you do your best to meet their needs, as well as your own? Do you make decisions based on what is possible for you in your current situation? I know that very frequently we feel the mommy guilt and think our children deserve better. Sometimes we feel beat down and think we deserve better. But, dig down to the nitty gritty and look. Are you mom enough? Look at your children, best done while they are sleeping ;-), and know that if they are grubby from no more than good clean earth and comfortable, that you are enough. You are enough mom for your children. Because you are their mom, and that is enough.
It has been a full end of the year around here. There have been highs and lows of course.
L3 arrived TWO WEEKS EARLY. And being that we expected her to come later (L2 was a week "late") we weren't totally prepared. The Christmas tree had only gone up the day before labor started!
Breastfeeding did not kick off easily or right away like it had in the past. It took us almost a week to work out her latch issues. I even had cracked nipples! After never having breastfeeding issues, this was really frustrating!
Then there was a period of concern about L3's weight gain. She was still -5oz from her birth weight a week later (even without IV fluids in labor.) But she solved that one with the development of her latch and my SUPERMILK! She went on to gain 14oz the next week!
I had intended to allow for the exploration of un-weaning L2 after my milk came in. He has breastfed a few times, but mostly I put him off and save it for the times that NOTHING ELSE WORKS. So, I am confessing I am not the all accepting, tandem nursing mom I was able to be for L1. I feel pretty guilty about that, but also realize that L2's needs are different than L1's were. Otherwise he would be requesting more, right?
On the potty bowl!
I wanted to try to practice Elimination Communication from the beginning with L3. I settled for watching for her cues and trying not to let a dirty diaper sit. Not that she would allow that. She was clear when she needed a dry diaper. We have started up though, and I hope to manage more as we go on.
Something that has been different from this pregnancy from the last ones was the weight gain. I had always finished off down when all is said and done. This time I am not. I am back in my "comfy" jeans, but not back to size. Granted it has only been 4 weeks, I lost so much weigh between pregnancies, and I am ready to head back to Zumba and watching our diet more closely (the last month being mostly comfort foods, junk, candy, and take out) so I don't expect it to take long to feel fit again. I am actually surprised I care about my weight this way, and want to work on focusing the frustration on feeling fit and able to keep up with my children over fitting into certain sizes.
We have NOT kept up with our weekly house blessing. With Mike moving to graveyard and my being to uncomfortable and tired to keep up myself, we slacked. So now we need to find a way to make it work with a new baby and Mike on graveyard. Stay tuned for more on that!
Today is L3's 2 week birthday. It is also her "due date". So, it is about time I get the story down. There are some pictures, but nothing graphic (no genitals or nipples, but bare belly and breastfeeding baby). From beginning to baby took about 25 hours, 13 hours less than L2's birth.
Ever have that dream where you are going to the bathroom, only to wake to hoping you were just dreaming and can make it to the bathroom in time? December 4th, 2011, Sunday morning, I woke to that, only instead of an urge to pee it was a pop and a gush. I wouldn't be making it to the bathroom, my water had just broke.
So I waddled to the bedroom door, seeing that it was about 3:30am, and wondered where my husband was. He should have been home from work about an hour earlier. I loudly whispered his name (he had been reading on the couch) and told him the news. He was surprised, to say the least.
I got to the bathroom, while Mike called our midwife, Dr Brandy, and doula (also our midwife's assistant), Megan. At this point, what is happening hits me, and I completely break down in a panic attack. My birth of L1 started with my water breaking, and it did not go well from there. It took my husband, and phone conversations with my birth team to calm me down, and put us back on track for our plans of a homebirth. Since we weren't having any contractions, everyone stayed home to wait and see how things played out.
Since my boys were still asleep in our bed (and the wet spot I created in my spot at the foot of the bed), and Mike hadn't even been to bed yet, we set up in the living room to get some sleep. Only, my contractions started about an hour later. And got stronger.
We had intended to send the boys and roommates to my brother's to wait. But when they decided to wake up at 5:30am I called my mom to come get them. I knew there was no way I could keep myself calm and focused with kiddos who had woken up too early. So, we kicked everyone out by 8 or 9am.
Mike and I spent the day resting in our "nest", watching the second season of the original series of Star Trek, taking walks, and just being together. My contractions were very uneven, though were pretty strong. All day we played that game. Sleep, snack, Star Trek.
At 5ish, I was getting uncomfortable and decided to get into the tub. Everyone (myself included) thought that my baby would wait for nighttime to arrive. But instead of resting, my contractions became stronger. I breathed and moaned though them, in the glow of our Christmas lights, with Christmas music playing. I remember at one point thinking it was taking forever, and a non-Christmas song came on. The lyrics to the song were EXACTLY what I needed to hear (really, listen to it).
I bawled my eyes out. We were in gear and really progressing. We called Megan to come over. I got out of the tub needing to use the bathroom. And the contractions stopped.
Damn.
So again, we rested, we snacked, we walked (not pleasant at all: 20 degrees and throwing up on the stairs), we listened to Christmas music and basked in the glow of our lights.
Déjà vu all over again. Megan told my husband to sleep, me to relax in the birth tub, and she made herself scarce (My doula is rad like that. She knows when to kick my ass into gear, when I need encouraging, and when to just leave me alone. Check her out if you want an awesome doula). With everyone otherwise occupied I started having good, steady contractions again. The birth tub got cold, so I moved to our shower.
I decided to check myself at that point. I was beginning to loose some of my hope, and was hoping to find myself decently dilated, which I was. I still felt a bit of a lip though. So, as Mike dozed while sitting on the toilet (just as a seat), I labored in the shower. There came a point where I started feeling like pushing, but was worried it wasn't really time. So, I pushed a little. Then a little more. I didn't tell anyone I was pushing, I had a fear they would tell me to stop. When I realized I couldn't stop pushing, I woke up Mike and told him to get Megan. When she saw there was no access to my bathroom, she encouraged me to try to get to the bed.
I made it out of the tub and to the toilet. Then I realized if I stayed much longer, I was going to have a baby in the toilet. So, I moved again. About 3 steps. Then I announced I couldn't go further and needed to push, even though I wasn't sure I was complete enough. Must have been though, because I squat down (right at the edge of the bathroom linoleum) and pushed. Good thing Megan keeps medical gloves in her pocket, and the chux pads were in arms reach of Mike. Out came baby in just a couple of pushes! I reached down, lifted the baby to my chest, and fell back into Mike's arms. After a few moments of rubbing baby down to get some response, we took a look and saw we had a GIRL! Really. I checked repeatedly over the next few days, that is how surprised I am.
After delivering the placenta, exploring the system that nourished my little girl (cord that went FOREVER, twice around her neck, and around her body, between her legs), attempting to initiate breastfeeding (she wasn't interested yet), and the arrival of my midwife (because I didn't mention how far along I thought I was, no one knew to call her sooner. Sorry Dr. B!), we shifted to the bed to snuggle for a bit before cutting the cord, checking for tears, and doing her newborn check. She was 7lbs 6oz, 19in. All healthy, no stitches needed, and we were bundled up for the best part: the first nap, snuggled in my bed, with my husband and beautiful new baby girl.
As I began to write my birth story for L3's birth, I realized that L2 was never cross-posted here. So, enjoy while I work out my thoughts on my latest birth!
After many days of warm-up labor, I felt we were at the real thing Monday afternoon. Went to bed about 10 that night after calling our doula to warn her things were happening, but we were going to try to sleep. I woke up to strong contractions at about 1:30am. After an early morning of getting things put together, kicking out family at 9ish, midwife check about 9:30, we then had a whole day of uneven contractions. It wasn't until 10pm, when I realized that L1 was about to spend his first night away from my husband and me, that I needed to put my all into this and not just wait and see.
(Totally loose track of time in this part. Somewhere between 1am and conclusion at 6:35am.) So we walked, then I started telling myself when to have contractions. I would tell myself "Now," a contraction would start, I would be with it, it would resolve, I would take a drink and a breath, then start it again. Soon after they took the pace on their own and we were officially in to hard labor. As things became more difficult, I spent time in the shower and in the labor tub. I remember getting angry that it hurt so bad! I would hit the tub edge. When I was getting IV antibiotics for Strep B, I was stuck to many times, my midwife's assistant FELL on me (I am sure she was horrified) and when my midwife broke my water she accidentally stuck me with the tool. At that point I WHINED. I complained that it wasn't fair for it to hurt so bad, people
falling on me, being stabbed with everything. I was told I was complete, second check revealed I wasn't. Midwife left for another birth, I had a backup midwife come (who was wonderful as well, even if I did hate her for the great help she was in pushing aside a cervical lip when I couldn't wait to push anymore.)
Finally, my son was born at 6:35am, in my bed! He was born with his hand next to his cheek, causing all the trouble! 8lbs 12 oz, 21in. I had 8 stitches to repair tearing, then we spent the rest of the morning sleeping, IN MY OWN BED! It was amazing. Now, 3 weeks later I am back to work, can chase
my toddler around again, and am almost 100%. I couldn't imagine a better way for things to go, as they all went in the way to bring me to my amazing HBAC! I really do feel like a REAL woman now.
I have a prenatal yoga DVD from the library. L1 loves to join in, though it doesn't usually last very long. This time, I think we made it about 30 minutes!
Just when I think everything is running smoothly, it all seems to fall apart again. I am frustrated by everything. Nothing is good enough. I don't want to be touched by anyone, and my kids just have no way of understanding no matter how many times I try to explain. I feel like I am being beat up from the inside and out.
While Little Three is overall not as strong in moving, it seems that s/he is always moving about. And does get in a few good kicks here and there. I got one in the ribs and lungs so hard I almost drove off the road it surprised me so badly. Being glad for a nice strong, healthy baby only gets you so far before you just want a break!
When it was just L1, and before L2 was mobile, our DVD and CD collections were never a problem. Now I can't keep them away from them, and it is all a giant mess where they are getting ruined. We put the kid movies up where they can't reach, but they have started watching non-animated movies and now want to explore the whole collection. All the time. We have tried to come up with some options to get them out of the way (we DO want our children to know this house is theirs too and limit the things we have to teach them are off limits in our home) but so far they all involve buying new storage systems (not an option right now).
I want everything to just WORK, you know? I would like to wake up in the morning, rested, make breakfast, move into our day where we can play, read, craft, and everything else without all the grief. But, I am willing to bet that is what everybody wishes, no matter what their life.
I have a lot of apologies to make today. I have yelled and screamed and pushed aside too many times to be ignored (not that any times should be ignored) and I really need to find a way to reset myself and get back to where we were. How do you regain your composure and balance when you know things have gone awry? How do you make amends to the people you love when you know you have acted out?
My boys have a new favorite movie, and it confuses the crap out of me. I guess it is filled with bright colors, music we love, and all manner of weirdness. They ask to watch it at least once a day, and I usually say yes because they actually zone right into the movie and I can get things done with music I can sing to as the sound track. Ready to guess what it is?
Today is L1's FOURTH birthday. I can't even believe it has been 4 years already. Or that it has taken me 4 years to generally be ok with his birth, if only because without having had a c-section, I don't know that I would have come to know the awesome-ness that is homebirth.
My husband has been approached at work to take on a better paying, more responsibility position. Something that would really be great for him and our finances. But, it would mean he wasn't home for bedtime. This is big for us, because Daddy does bedtime. It has always been his time to bath, snuggle, read, and support them in falling asleep (as in, he stays with them until they are well-off in dream land). To change this would be major, especially with Little Three's arrival right around the corner. For the first time we might have to make a decision that could mean a major change for our children, or an opportunity to be in a better financial position (something no one can take lightly in the current economy, right?).
So, how is your life this week? Good, bad, or ugly, it is time to Tell All!
I am glad I realized that I was having some problems dealing with my moods, recognizing some troubling behaviors from a time when I was dealing with depressive episodes. (I never went for a diagnosis for depression, but took some classes that helped me move past my past a bit and learn to focus and manage myself a little better.)
I asked my doula/midwife assistant friend if there was such a thing as prenatal depression. I mean, Wikipedia doesn't know about it if there is! She said yes and sent me off to my naturopathic midwife.
Our course of action has been to see if addressing some possible deficiencies could be a culprit. I now take some supplements for Vitamin D, B6, and Omega 3 fish oil (something you should discuss with your care provider). Within a week I could feel things changing. I don't cry everyday. I have a *little* more patience. I could ask my friends and family to help me, without feeling so ashamed. They are my lifesavers.
This Tell All Tuesday was hard to write. No one likes to share that they don't have everything under control, or are having a hard time. But, I can personally tell you that sharing my problems has been a good thing, and I want others to know that they are not alone. If you are constantly at a loss for why you feel "this way," out of control, not managing yourself well, please speak up. There is always someone who cares, and there may be things that can help.
Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety during Pregnancy:
Extreme fatigue combined with excessive sadness and crying.
Extreme agitation and/or mood swings.
Compulsive eating or inability to eat.
Inability to enjoy the things that you used to enjoy before pregnancy.
Disturbed sleep patterns, such as the need to sleep all the time or insomnia (neither being related to pregnancy).
Remember how I was talking about sharing our shortcomings? Here is where I do just that. I'm not looking for sympathy. Just to be authentic about where I am, and where I hope to go from here.
If you haven't heard yet (which would surprise me!) we are expecting Little Three! Due about Christmas time, we are still pretty early into the pregnancy. That said, I already feel my shortcomings in my parenting because of the constant nausea. I am lucky not not be the kind of woman who is puking all the time, but I still feel like doing it all the time! (For the record: We won't find out the sex, we are not hoping one sex or another, we are planning our second HBAC, yes I am still nursing L2 and very occasionally L1, we still all co-sleep and don't have a plan for changing that.)
I think I have realized (here comes a "duh" moment) my kids don't like to just sit and watch movies all the time. After being so good about going screen free, they no longer are entertained by it like they used to. The more I try to just lay here, the more they jump on me, adding to my nausea.
Also, I have had a few times this week when I couldn't go where I wanted to because I haven't had clean laundry to do wear out of the house. I have barely kept up the keeping our living space picked up.
All this, and I am only at 9 weeks! 9 weeks, and I am concerned about failing. This is going to be a long next 7ish months if I feel that way already. So, I need to make a game plan. Something to just work through, one day at a time.
Wake up, bathroom, breakfast
Rest/Read books (I need to move pretty slowly in the mornings right now.)
Get out first activity box for kids
Do a load of laundry
Clean up activity box
Pick second activity box
15 minute timer to clean bathroom
Make lunch
Nap/read book/quiet time!
Have some 1-on-1 time with L1 while L2 naps
15 minutes to clear living room/play area
Put together dinner
Pack up bags for Zumba (Yup, still going twice a week, and hope to keep it up! After all Zumba Changes Lives!)
That takes the day. It can translate to the next day with few alterations.
The other half of the story. I am so freaking emotional. I cried ONE time in my first pregnancy. None my second. I was all kinds of bitchy. This time, I cry at things I have seen a million times. I am seriously short tempered. I make one or two attempts to redirect my kids before I find myself screaming at them. I don't *think* I am too bitchy, not yet anyways. I am really hoping that by getting the rest of our day worked out, there will be less screaming and arguing. We'll see, right?
I love my family. I love my kids, and can't wait to see how this next baby fits into the picture.
Feel free to share any shortcomings you have had, create a sense of solidarity! No judgments, just respect for where we are in our lives right now!
Here it is, the timeline of how our Little One decided to come into this world.
Wednesday morning, I noticed some odd colored discharge (copped it up to the exam the day before.) Mike woke up and went to work around 7. I went back to bed and slept until about quarter to 10. When I got up, I headed to the bathroom thinking about what things needed to be done, and what I was willing to actually do. After using the bathroom, I was standing in front of the sink when I felt a gush. After a few minutes of leaking, I realized it might have been my water breaking. I wasn't having contractions or any other symptoms, so I called my mom and Mike to get their opinions. They said call the hospital and both headed over. I went around gathering up the random things that weren't in the bag yet. Mom and Mike arrived around 11 and we headed to the Women's and Children's Pavilion. When we checked in (oh, and I was having contractions that I wasn't feeling 5 minutes apart.) I had had nothing to eat since the night before. They sent us to a room where we waited. More and more family showed up, and we waited. I was allowed a turkey sandwich and a yogurt.
At 4pm, still nothing was happening, so they started me on Pitocin to try and jump start labor. They were surprised when I refused pain killers of any sort (apparently, going through chemical labor is much worse than natural, and no one does it) and some were even abusive about our decision, calling it stupid and telling me there was no point in being a martyr at some point in the night. We continued to wait until about 9 or 10 when the pitocin was starting to really kick in. We kicked everyone out of the room, and started our night.
After a LONG night of steadily worsening contractions, a lovely sign of constant excruciating back pain told us that L1 was head down, but faced backwards. Straight into my tailbone, and was stuck there. At 7 am, we were only dilated to a 7, and the contractions that didn't stop, also weren't doing anything helpful. The Dr came to us, to tell us that there was very little chance of things progressing if I wasn't given a chance to relax, and suggested an epidural. By then, Mike had been digging his fists into my back for 5 hours, and I was really having a hard time, especially being that I had had a tiny lunch in over 24 hours. So we said go for it. As soon as that thing was in, I was asleep. They kept trying to ask me things, and I would only answer every few I was so worn out. All they kept saying was how amazing it was to make it that far with L1 facing wrong and on pitocin. I am sure they said it just to help me justify the choice to go to the epidural, but I really wasn't happy about that.
At about 11am on Thursday, the Dr came in again to say that there were some irregularities in L1's heart rate, and they were getting concerned that L1 was having to hard of a time with the labor. Also, we were showing signs that the cord was wrapped around something (a shoulder or hand, not neck they said) and that the placenta had also seemed to have stopped functioning properly. A c-section was going to be needed.
So, we were prepped and sent in. They started the meds to numb me from the chest down, but I started feeling pressure and some sharp pains. It turns out that L1'S heart rate had dropped sharply, and they had started the procedure before I was completely medicated. The extra dose they popped in at the last second to help that only succeeded in making me go numb from the neck down after they had L1 out and were sewing me back up. Mike was with me, and told me it was a boy. Our L1 was here! And he had A TON of hair! Mike trimmed the umbilical cord (couldn't do the initial cut, with me open on the table) and watched the bath and check up. He was 9 lbs 1 oz, 21 in, and scored an 8 on the APGAR scale in the first minute and a 9 at the 5 minute mark (the best is 10.)
Afterwards, I still couldn't feel my arms (I hit myself in the face twice for having no control), so Mike did all of the initial feeding (had to do bottle), bath, and held him the entire time. Just when I was starting to feel again, they moved us to a different room (normally you stay in the same room, but they put all the c-section moms together to be watched closer) and I was able to hold L1 in the move.
We stayed in the hospital until Sunday after lunch. L1 has jaundice, so we have to really work to get him to wake up to eat, and play with him to stimulate movement to expel himself (fill the diaper). He has also been referred for his hearing. We know he can hear, but he didn't react they way they like for his hearing test. So, we will head to the Dr in the next day or two to have him checked again. I have a large incision that needs to heal, so I can't really do anything but take care of myself and most of what L1 needs. My sister is coming to help with the rest, and if I start telling you about how great Mike has been about all of this, I start to cry. Even without all the hormone stuff, I am amazed at what having a baby has done to Mike. But, this is long enough, and now I am crying thinking about Mike. So more about him, and everything else later.
This week is my 5 year anniversary of being married to my awesome husband. It is also L2's 1st birthday. It is a week filled with contemplation and reflection.
My first son was born 2 years after my husband and I got married. We had great plans to forgo interventions and have a natural birth in the hospital. Circumstances kept us from taking the birth class we wanted to prepare ourselves, and events of my labour took us further from the path. Straight to the operating table and my cesarean. Most people know the story. And that when we were expecting again, did everything possible to keep from repeating that horrible experience.
So, L2 was born at home. Attended by a midwife and a doula. But mostly, it was my husband and I focused on the labor and the process of bringing our child into the world.
I labored for over a day. I spent much of that time trying to forget the pain. Ignore it, not let it have control of me. It wasn't until 24 hours in, when I realized that L1 was about to spend his first night away from us, that I knew I needed to stop trying to not feel pain. It wasn't a pain. This was my body doing what I had looked forward to, expected, needed it to do since my first "failed" labor. Until that point, my body had always failed me. I was always too fat, too slow, too ugly...too whatever. It was that moment that it was MY BODY. Mine. And I could make it what I wanted it to be. All while sitting on the toilet wishing this baby would just come already! I know many women had to learn to let go, I had to learn that I am responsible for me. So, I would tell myself it was time for a contraction, and then picture myself opening, my baby being born. This was my turning point. Things finally took off, and L2 was born a few hours later. It was amazing.
L2 continued to be a driving force in recreating myself. He was dairy intolerant, and because we breastfed, I cut dairy. A few months later the symptoms still hadn't cleared up, and had gotten worse. Not only was there a rash, but he stopped smiling, laughing, reacting. So, we (by which I mean "I", as we were of course still exclusively breastfeeding) cut soy and gluten. And low and behold, we had our happy boy again! The side affect for me: loosing weight, fast. I realized that though I had gone down in weight each pregnancy (eating better for baby!) that all of a sudden, I was loosing more. And I LIKED It. So for the first time ever, I felt like moving. I hate the E word.
So, I slowly started asking around. I found a Zumba instructor willing to let me participate with my chunky +20lb boy. I never needed to take him, but having it be a possibility broke down my last excuse. So goes that story.
I write all this to tell you that I cried today. During our cool down. I though about being in labor last year.. 2 years before that, I was expecting my first child. 2 years earlier even, I was preparing for my wedding day. And today I was caring for myself as I never had before. I stretched further, knowing I had grown much more than just my baby turning one tomorrow. I was a new person. I am a wife, a mother. More than that, I am me, and only I can decide what that means.
I had so much more I wanted to say, but just don't know how to put it all into words. You know what? I forgot to thank the academy. And by that, I mean every person who has touched my life and helped make me who I am. Husband, kids, dad, mom, sister, friends. Even the OB's that attended my first pregnancy (hey, who knows if I would have learned so much if we hadn't had such a bad time?) or the first person who ever made fun of me. Ok, not her. She can stay in the lost corners of my memory.
